Skidoo

Saturday is traditionally "Take Out the Trash" Day...and they don't get much more trashy than this one...

Skidoo (Otto Preminger, 1968) Legendarily off-kilter comedy by that "master" of comedy, Otto Preminger, who, in his effort to make a movie that was "with it" perpetrated a film so far without "it," that one wonders why nobody told him it might be a bad idea...for any director. 

 

It might have been because there wasn't anybody at Paramount Pictures who had the power or the industry knowledge to be credible to a movie veteran like Preminger. Paramount had been "acquired" by Gulf and Western in 1966 and its chairman Charles Bluhdorn had made his mark in auto parts, zinc mines and manufacturing and was furthering his mint-making by buying up properties and tinkering or selling them off. Preminger was making films for Paramount and was a "studio property" who'd had a history of making edgy films that would challenge taboo's, but whose recent films were considered both artistic and financial failures.

This did nothing for the fortunes of Paramount, which, if you look at the films being released in that period (before bringing on Robert Evans as head of production) betrays of a long line of losers with the odd hit—usually a foreign acquisition, like Alfie and films that might be interesting (Seconds) but didn't attract an audience. The industry itself was seeing a downturn in receipts with more color TV's in homes and a calcified audience that wasn't getting any younger. Preminger thought he had a solution—make a movie that would appeal to "the kids."

Retired hitman Tony Banks (Jackie Gleason) has his evening of television interrupted by a pair of mobsters, Hechy (Caesar Romero) and son Angie (Frankie Avalon), who have orders from their boss "God" (this will be revealed as Groucho Marx, his first film appearance in eleven years) to knock off "Blue Chips" Packard (Mickey Rooney) who is due to testify before a Senate committee on organized crime. Banks begs retirement, but when a buddy (Arnold Stang) is found dead, he goes along with the plot for the safety of his wife Flo (Carol Channing) and his daughter Darlene (Alexandra Hay).

The idea is to have Banks smuggled into the same prison as Packard and then whack him—or "kiss him" in the mob parlance used in the film. He is incarcerated with Leech (Michael Constantine) a psychopath and "The Professor" (Austin Pendleton) a technical wizard arrested for draft-dodging. Meanwhile, Darlene's new boyfriend Stash (John Phillip Law) and his gang of "hippies" are being hassled by the police for their anti-establishment ways and Flo, being a bit of a free spirit herself, helps them from being arrested for living in the streets and invites them into her home.

Tony already has guilt feelings about whacking "Blue Chips" but when he mistakenly takes a tab of acid provided by The Professor, he gives up on the idea and instead tries to find a way of breaking out—involving lacing all of the food in the prison with LSD and escaping by makeshift balloon when everybody is high as kites.

The movie's heart might be in the right place, but it's mind is utterly lost. Maybe they were thinking they were making an all-out all-star comedy like It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World—a favorite of writer Mark Evanier, and who takes the opportunity to trash Skidoo every time it comes out of hiding. Sure, there are grudging pleasures: it features performances by the Big Three Batman TV villains with Romero, Frank Gorshin and Burgess Meredith, all acting, as does everyone in the film,in a manner that would charitably called "broad." Small parts with Richard Kiel and Slim Pickens. The notion that they filmed part of it on John Wayne's yacht. The score by Nilsson is harmless—he sings the End Credits—but it's not exactly good, either.

Nor is the film by any stretch of the imagination, even stretched pharmaceutically. There are sequences—a musical number with dancing garbage cans for instance—that are so badly thought out and executed that it is doppler-shifted into inscrutability in post. There is a cold-sweat chill of desperation over the whole enterprise. Sometimes even that can be cruelly funny. But not here. Even the casting of grizzled—if professional—veterans can't remove the stink of mercenary pandering and witless and dull-edged stabs at satire.

It's a mess. And not a funny one. Not even the knowledge of incompetence—as with the films of Ed Wood—can save it. One can only look at it with the hope that the bottom of the barrel has been reached. But even that hope gives no comfort. 

 

Bad trip, dude. 

My Brother Talks to Horses

Saturday is traditionally "Take Out the Trash" Day....

My Brother Talks to Horses (Fred Zinnemann, 1947) Oh now, THIS is a curiosity...Ten years after he'd immigrated to the U.S. from Austria and started making short films at M-G-M, five years after graduating to B-features and three years after his first hit for the studio, The Seventh Cross (starring Spencer Tracy), director Fred Zinnemann—who would go on to make High Noon, From Here to Eternity, A Man for All Seasons, The Nun's Story, The Day of the Jackal and other great films—made this odd one, his second film in a row to feature child-actor Jackie "Butch" Jenkins.

Jenkins had been a hit with audiences in roles in The Human Comedy and National Velvet, where he was a spunky little performer, far afield from the "perfect-looking" child stars that M-G-M usually trotted out in kid roles. Young Jenkins had lazy wide-set-apart eyes and splayed teeth and perpetually looked like that "phase" your parents hope you grow out of. But, he was just popular enough to graduate from playing Mickey Rooney's little brother to...Peter Lawford's little brother...? Well, at least he gets top billing.

Young Master Jenkins plays Lewie Penrose, an odd little boy from an odd little family just this side of Thornton Wilder, living in the Baltimore of 1909. Ma Penrose (Spring Byington) insists that her dinner guests practice yoga before saying pre-meal grace. Ma's boarder, Mr. Puddy (an inventor) is proud to offer the diners his latest invention for refreshment—beer...in an edible bottle. Ma's other son John (Lawford) is an inventor, as well, and he's courting Martha Sterling (Beverly Tyler) but his prospects are meager if his affections are ardent.

Lewie talks to horses, all kinds of them. His best equine friend is The Bart, a racehorse owned by Mr. Bledsoe (Edward Arnold), with whom he regularly converses on his way to school. The Bart's trainer, Mr. Mordechai (Ernest Whitman) confirms this. Complications ensue, especially when Mr. Bledsoe takes Lewie and John to the races, and after having a confab with the horses, confidently tells the party who's going to race...and that horse then does. Word gets around and pretty soon everybody, including some pretty shifty gamblers, see Lewie as a way to get rich quick. That's a lot of pressure to put on a kid.

It's lightweight stuff, and what the filmmakers do with it takes on some dark tones, especially when the gamblers start to rough little Lewie up. I'm not sure that a little darkness in a kid's movie is a bad thing, but if I were a gifted child and saw the complications that this movie described, I might want to act a little less gifted. Adults are creeps!

On the other hand, it is not too surprising to see Zimmermann's touch on this—especially once one has seen it. For a low-budget kid's movie, it looks very good and revels in its period details—so many straw hats and fascinators! It's not that much a leap to see how Zinnemann would leap into one of the great movie craftsmen, able to pick and choose his assignments—I mean, if he can make My Brother Talks to Horses look good...—and his next movie—also a kind of kid's movie—would provide the good transition from making entertainment for kids to entertainment for adults, without insulting the intelligence on anybody. Not even the horses.

The Longest Day (1962)

The Longest Day (Ken Annakin, Andrew Marton, Bernhard Wicki, Gerd Oswald, Darryl F. Zanuck, 1962) Darryl F. Zanuck's mega-production based on Cornelius Ryan's 1959 best-seller documenting the D-Day invasion which occurred on this day seventy five years ago. It was Zanuck's last big production (although he had a hand in Tora! Tora! Tora!) in a career where he supervised production on countless pictures while he was the head of production and and 20th Century Fox Studios. Filmed in European locations (Corsican beaches substituted for Normandy), the film's budget (competing for the studio's funds with the over-budget Cleopatra), part of which was taken on by Zanuck himself when 20th board members limited him to $8 million, was off-set by casting it extensively with audience-attracting star-power represented by an international cast of box-office draws and pop-icons. Ryan wrote the screenplay (with episodes supplied by Romain Gary, James Jones, David Pursall, and Jack Seddon) to create a scenario of, like the war, many fronts, each overseen by its recognizable movie star or personality so that audiences could keep track of the progression of each story-line. I would list them, but it would take more time to create links than to write this.

The movie follows the efforts of the Allies—American, British, Canadian—and members of the French resistance attacking by foot, sea and air, while the Germans pace around their pristine offices and board-rooms studying maps and disbelieving incoming reports. It's one of those "dry" war movies with a lot of strategizing, sub-titles scrupulously used in the German and French scenes (but not Scottish—although a version was shot entirely in English) and rare opportunities to see the grand scale of things—except for a couple of notable shots—a plane's perspective (shot by helicopter) of Normandy and a continuous crane shot of the French assault on German troops in the port city of Ouistreham.

The filming is definitely old-school—scenes are shot in long-takes with inserts, the youngest actors are Richard Beymer, Paul Anka and Fabian (Fabian?), while the rest of the actors are in their forties or fifties (far older than their real life counterparts during the actual battle) and are well-established actors, all of whom had previously worked for Zanuck in some capacity. This also proves beneficial besides navigating through the various incidents, as the characters have little character depth besides the job at hand and the actors provide an over-arching persona that fills in some of the character gaps. 

I've seen it several times—once in a theater, sometimes in piece-meal fashion where you can walk away and pick up the thread of the story later, always managing to make it through the long introductory sequence waiting for the weather to clear, and remember mostly Red Buttons' parachutist and his horrific night mare hanging from a steeple watching his fellow soldiers being shot down in mid-flight, John Wayne and his "cricket" designed to signal to a friendly (sorry, Sal Mineo), Richard Burton's morose performance filmed during a break in Cleopatra, and Sean Connery's wise-acre grunt filmed in a hurry so he could fly to Jamaica to become a star as James Bond in Dr. No.

It was a herculean effort in movie-making, almost quixotic in scope. It could not show the carnage that Ryan described in his book—a depiction that wasn't fully realized until Spielberg made Saving Private Ryan in 1999 and somewhat eclipsed The Longest Day as a representation of the assault.

But, it pales in comparison to the real event. The D-Day invasion was a "Hail Mary" pass, a make-or-break maneuver that turned the tide of the war against a German government that was refusing to hear bad news, even while it was stretching itself thin on all fronts. They were entrenched, established and confident in their superiority. And we threw men at them, knowing full well that vast numbers would die...but some would make it through, enough, hopefully, to overcome a complacent enemy, a European enemy who disrupted the established order of things and bullied their way across the continent.

What film could do justice to that? For that matter, what memorial or ceremony could?  What words can you say? The landings at Normandy were something of a miracle, albeit one awash in blood and horror and viscera—a Hell on Earth, born of desperation.

I had a grandfather-in-law who went through it, and I asked him "What was that like?" He paused—long pause—"Welll," he said "I'm here." I left it at that. That was enough. And so, too, are we all, thanks to him and everybody else and it.

Thank you.