Sunday, April 6, 2025

Danger: Diabolik!

Saturdays are traditionally "Take Out the Trash" Day...

Danger: Diabolik! (Mario Bava, 1968) Mario Bava's psychedelic adaptation of the Italian comic about a master-thief, who preys on the pompous and the puerile, owes an awful lot to the 1966 "Batman" TV-show (though the panel of "experts" in the DVD Features documentaries say "Oh, no, no, nothing could be further from the truth!" Holy Denial's-not-just-a-river-in-Egypt!*). At the time, the Batman-camp style of doing things was spreading throughout many tried-and-true properties that had previously only skirted the edges of parody and satire. The popularity of the TV "Batman" sent them right over the edge into mock-serious comedy and "camp".
  
And, so, too does Danger: Diabolik, with its dutch-angles (though "Bava'd" with more extremity), shadowed wide-screen compositions, chromed model-work that looks like it might have come out of a Super-marionation series and dodgy blue-screen work, which looks like it could have been done for episodic television.
Plus, folks, c'mon...it's based on a comic-book property...with comic book sensibilities. The beginning even rings like a "Batman" episode with a dastardly crime as a masked man (our "hero" played by John Phillip Law) runs rings around the local constabulary and the Treasury, stealing $10 million, foiling the law's diversionary tactics, and hiding his tracks with multi-colored smoke generators (you may well ask "why does he need multi-color smoke when regular smoke will do?" but then that would be logical), stealing their riches and making them appear like fools.
Then, mission accomplished,
he drives his souped-up Ferrari to his high-tech underground lair with his mini-skirted girl-friend (name of Eva Kant and played by model
Marisa Mell) in tow to indulge in some high-tech something-or-other, and then some nude frolicking in all the money. It makes as much sense as anything else in the movie.
Inspector Ginko (
Michel Piccoli, playing it fairly straight) of the local Constabulary is embarrassed, flummoxed and at a loss of how to deal with such a nefarious threat, and things reach a crisis point when the Minister of the Interior (Terry-Thomas), who has just reinstated the death penalty especially for the crisis, is forced to resign after a humiliating experience orchestrated by Diabolik at a public press conference. Ginko is given special powers to deal with this menace. So, when a local Mafioso named Valmont (Adolfo Celi) calls him to offer his own under-handed services to capture the super-criminal, Ginko is only too happy to agree.
They bait a trap for Diabolik involving a priceless emerald necklace with both the police and mafia waiting to apprehend him and the master-thief has to climb a sheer tower (using his "Diabolik-Super-Suction-Handholds!") to get to the one room where he thinks the necklace might be. Diverting all the security-cams (using a polaroid!), he manages to snatch the necklace, as well as double-cross Valmont—who has kidnapped Eva!—and gets him killed in the process, as well.
But, the ultimate Diabolik coup happens when he arranges for several ministerial buildings to blow up, resulting in the loss of every citizen's tax records, which the government fully expects won't deter people from dutifully paying their taxes. 
They're wrong, of course, and so, to forestall economic catastrophe,  a big-whopping share of their gold supply is made into a big, whopping ingot to be sold to try and keep the government solvent. Diabolik, naturally, plans to steal it. I mean, a several-ton gold block that will be impossible to move? How tough can it be?

And, of course, he's figured out a way to spend it...
Over-the-top, bombastic...and mind-numbingly absurd, Danger: Diabolik is true to its comic roots, but the tone is puerile and is devoid of the gravitas Bava brought to his Italian horror films.
Apparently, it was a troubled production from the start.
It started out in 1965 as a production of Italian producer Tonino Cervi to be directed by Seth Holt and distributed by Dino De Laurentiis. But after some filming was done with leads Jean Sorel and Elsa Martinelli, De Laurentiis pulled the plug on the film, ordered a new script and hired Bava to make a quick, cheap production that he would produce in tandem with another film based on a European comic property, "Barbarella." Bava borrowed Barbarella's upcoming actor John Phillip Law to be paired with Catherine Deneuve as Eva, but the two had no chemistry on-screen and Deneuve and Bava frequently clashed on-set. Bava replaced her with model Marissa Mell. Bava had made a name for himself with his well-regarded horror films done on the cheap, and he managed to pull off a miracle given the frenetic circumstances, only spending $400,000 of the film's proposed $3 million budget, money De Laurentiis was able to spend on his next production, Barbarella.
It didn't help the lead performances much, though. Law does all of his acting with one eye-brow (although one can hardly blame him, as when he's masked that's all of him you can see!), which is one muscle more than Ms. Mell is willing to use. Adolfo Celi is the mafioso willing to deal with the police to get the master-thief out of his hair. The tone is a malevolent light-heartedness, combining James Bond with comic book hi-jinks. Nothing is meant to be taken too seriously, which might explain why Terry-Thomas is inexplicably in the cast! 
 
The movie did inspire Roman Coppola's CQ, a few years back, and since 2021 there have been three more "Diabolik" films recently produced, directed by the Manetti Brothers.

* You want a definitive proof? During Terry-Thomas' short scene at The Minister's press conference, Diabolik and his moll, Eva Kant, crash it posing as reporter and photographer. Diabolik's camera-flash emits something plainly labeled as "Exhilarating Gas" (basically laughing gas to disrupt the press conference). And to ensure that they aren't affected by it they take out a little pill bottle clearly labeled "Anti-Exhilarating Gas Capsules" because, gosh, international criminals don't want to get their capsules mixed up. Everything was labeled in the "Batman" TV show from the Bat-computer to the Bat-Anti-Shark Repellant (although that was from the movie).

Friday, April 4, 2025

The Next Three Days

Written at the time of the film's release...

Thinking Outside the Cell-Block
or
"It Doesn't Matter What We Believe"

Director Paul Haggis, you either love or you hate. The haters find him manipulative and obvious (I'll buy the second charge, but movies, even documentaries, are—du-uh!—manipulative by their very nature) and will never forgive him for making Crash, which beat out Brokeback Mountain for the Best Picture Oscar.* The lovers, well, there aren't too many of them outside the movie industry—but Clint Eastwood and the Bond producers love him, and that's good enough for me.

His third film, The Next Three Days, which he wrote and directed,** tells the story of a couple (with child) who are separated, when she (Elizabeth Banks) is arrested, tried and convicted for murder. Her husband (Russell Crowe), a school teacher, exhausts their finances—selling two homes—and all legal recourse, trying to prove her innocence. After three years of incarceration, her child doesn't even acknowledge her (having lived half his life without her), and after her last appeal is turned down, she attempts suicide.
Time to think outside the box...the legal system, and the penal system. The civilized courses have failed...as a matter of course. It's time to take action, and matters...into one's own hands.
In a way, this is the same movie Haggis has been making all along, his thesis converted into an action plot device more positive in its usage than negative in its omission. Both Crash and In the Valley of Elah feature protagonists trying to do more than the expected by-the-book (or society) response, to subvert the easy knee-jerk "comfortable" reaction, and (I dunno) think a little deeper. He seeks the help of a multi-prison escapee (Liam Neeson, in a too-short cameo), who gives him a broad picture of the strategies of going over the wall, and more importantly, staying out. One of the first things he says may be what's written on the first page of Haggis' screenwriting notebook, as it informs so much of his work: "You have to do a lot of lookin'—things that disrupt the day-to-day routine." That semi-somnambulent day-to-day routine has been the loam Haggis has toiled in over the years, and in this film, he finds a protagonist who tries to take advantage of it, rather than subvert it.***
It's a heist film, basically, with human valuables. It is also, for a brief time,
an "incredible mess" movie as Crowe's John Brennan must—painfully—learn the ropes of the outlaw life (and occasionally be beaten with them). This pays off later in the film—well, nearly everything pays off later in the film—as the "anything that could go wrong" scenarios start piling up in the film's nerve-rattling desperate finale, and one remembers how those early efforts only served to make matters worse.
The barriers that Brennan must overcome are represented by a filming scheme that places so much of the film behind screens and windows of various opacities—
a traditional trope of prison films (it just doesn't happen so much out in the so-called open, as it does in here—Haggis wants us to know there are traps inside and outside prison).
Great cast.
Crowe is nicely casual initially, then gradually turns into the ragged obsessive/compulsive he needs to be, Banks does drama as well as she does comedy (very), and, beyond Neeson, there are nice cameos by Daniel Stern, Olivia Wilde (as a divorcee...really?)...and particularly, Brian Dennehy, who, with the least amount of dialogue, makes the most of his scenes.
There will, no doubt, be an increase in interest in
"bump"-keys, and breaking into vehicles with tennis-balls, and Haggis even throws a bone to his critics by purposely leaving a plot-thread frustratingly unresolved. It's a good film, professionally done, and with enough twists and turns to keep one engaged, while still taking the time—one of the critical elements the film focusses on—to keep things realistic, and not turning the down-to-earth perps into clairvoyant superheroes.

* A decision I've always agreed with: I think Crash was reaching for something to say—especially about the 7-10 split of a city that is Los Angeles, and the casualness of racism as the easy way out.  Brokeback Mountain, although I admired its photography and I thought Heath Ledger had the best cowboy voice in movie history (great work, that—Jake Gyllenhaal, not so much) felt too much like a Joan Crawford movie in reverse-drag.  Mellerdrama at its sawdustiest.

** After Crash and In the Valley of Elah, The Next Three Days is not original—it is based on the French film Pour Elle (Anything for Her, 2008)

*** Even a late-minute extreme act by one of the protagonists is an expression of trying to break out of the routine, to think outside the box (or in this case, the van) and break the lock-step the other is in.

Tuesday, April 1, 2025

Speculations in the Bond Market (Amazon Edition)

Now, that Amazon has bought off EON Productions (for a reported $1 billion dollars—sounds like something the criminal organization S.P.E.C.T.R.E. would do!) for complete creative control of the James Bond franchise, I've done some digging and uncovered the top eight leading contenders to play Agent 007 for the enduring franchise.
 
I've previously posted on the subject before, but, given that the previous hands involved in the franchise are now tied in gold knots, we can pretty much assume that Amazon will go in a different direction. They've already decided on a film budget of $250 million and a release date at the end of 2027. Now, they just have to come up with minor things like a script, actors, director, and possible locations (I hear a yacht may be available!).
 
And, of course, a direction for the series to go in. Which could be anything, frankly, as it could be contemporary, or a period-piece (within budget, of course), and they have to look at what might make a good villain in the geopolitical conditions we find ourselves in. It would behoove them to not insult any potential markets for the world-wide popular series, so they'll probably have to go with the villain being some corrupt industrialist or an oligarch with a seemingly endless store of greed. One wonders where they might find that. 

But, the big question is who will play James Bond? Considerations in the past have come down to availability, salary, commitment to a multi-picture contract, and, to a certain extent, whether they're a "team-player." But, that was in the past when EON Productions was in charge. Who knows what criteria will be considered with Amazon in charge?

Here are the top eight leading contenders to play the role:
 
Jason Sthatam
 
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

Channing "No nickname" Tatum

Billy Zane

Vin Diesel
 
Mark Strong
 
John Travolta
 
Samuel L. Jackson

Sunday, March 30, 2025

Don't Make a Scene (Redux): 2001: A Space Odyssey

Re-running this in anticipation of April Fool's Day and even though "its origin and purpose still a total mystery."
 
Oh, don't worry. There'll be something on Tuesday, too. No fooling.
 
The Set-Up:  Hoot. Hoot-hoot-hoot-grunt. Scruff-hhrrn-arrr-rgl hrrrrrr-arrr-rra-aah-hoot; Hurrn ra-rah 2001: A Space Odyssey. Hurf-rah grrr hrrn ar-aarr grunt pfft, rawr urr-huff rah-ah ra-ruf oot oot gr-hurrn ahrf uh uh ur.

Raw urk uhh-hoof skrawra huhn-uhn. Uh uh uh. Raaawr.
Hoot.

The Scene:  Ta Hoot arr Rrahr. Rahr uht uht Moonwatcher (Daniel Richter) r-rr hoof raht-raht slur. Rawr hu-ur awrr-oorf rawr thud-thud hurraw-hurraw. Hurr-hurr. Urf.

Hoot!

APE 1  Hrawr-hrr-hrr.
APE 2  Hrrr-hrr-hrr.
APE 3  HUFF-huff-huff-huff!
MOONWATCHER  RAWWWWR!
MOONWATCHER  HAR-Ra-Hff-hff!
APE 4  Hoot-hoot.
APE 4  Hoot-hoot-hoot. 
APE 5  Oof!
 MOONWATCHER  RAWR-rah-Hawr-Hawr-RAWR!
APE 4  Hrr-hrhh-hrr-hrrr! Hff!
  MOONWATCHER  (slurp)
 APE 3  Grrrr!
 APE 6  Hrr-ruhf!
APE 5 Hoot.
MOONWATCHER  Hrrr?.
APE 5 Hurr-hrr-Hrr.
MOONWATCHER  HrrRR-Skreeech!
APE 4  HOOT! Hoot-hoot-Skreeee-Skreeeee!
APE 5 HOOT! RAWR! HAWR!
APE-LEADER  Hawr!Hawr! H-rawr! H-rawr!
MOONWATCHER  Rawr-Rawr!-ra-Rawr!
APE 4 Skreeee! Skreeeee! Skreeee! Skreeeee!
APE 5 RAWR! RAWR! RAWR! RAWR!
APE-LEADER  Rawr!  RAWR! RAAWR! Hrawr!
MOONWATCHER  HUR-HUR-HUR!-Ha-Rawr!
APE 4 Skreeee! Skreeeee! Skre-ee! Skraawwwr!
APE 5 RAWR! RAWR! RAWR! RAWR!
APE-LEADER  RAWR! RAAWR! RAAWR!
MOONWATCHER  HUR-HUR-HUR!-Ha-Rawr!
APE 4 Skreeee! Skraawwwr!Skreeee! Skraawwwr!
APE 5 RAWR! RAWR! RAWR! RAWR!
APE 6 Hrrff!  Hrrff! Hrrff! Hrrff!
APE-LEADER Hrawr!  Hrawr!  Hrawr!
APE 4 Skreeee! Skreeee!
MOONWATCHER Rawr! Rawr!
APE 6 Hrrff!  Hrrff! Hrrff! Hrrff!
APE-LEADER Hrr-HRAWR-Rah! Hrr-Hrr-Hrr..
APE 4 Skreeee!  Skreeee!
MOONWATCHER Hrrr! Rawr!
APE 6 Hrrff! Hrrff! Hrrff! Hrrff!
APE-LEADER  H-ha-RAWR! Rah-Rawr-Rah!
APE 4 Skreeee!  Skreeee!
APE 6 Hrrff! Hrrff! Hrrff! Hrrff!
APE-LEADER  Hrrr-ha-RAWR! Rah-Rawr-Rah! ARR-Arr!
APE 4 Skreeee!  Skreeee!
APE 6 Hrrff! Hrrff! Hrrff! Hrrff!
APE 7 Ulp!
APE-LEADER  Huh-HAWR-hrr! RAWR-huh!  RAWWWR!
APE 4 Skreeee!  Skreeee!
APE 6 Hrrff! Hrrff! Hrrff! Hrrff!
APE 4 Hrawr!  Hrawr!  Hrawr! Hrawr! 
APE 3 Hoot! Hoot!  Hoo-Hoot!
MOONWATCHER Skrreeech-Rawr-Rawr!  Hurr-hurr...
APE-LEADER  Hrr-Raw! Hrr-Raw!  RAWWR!
APE 6 Hrrff! Hrrff! Hrrff! Hrrff!
APE 3 Hrawr! Hrawr-uh! Hrawr! Hrawr-uh! 
APE 4 Skraaah!  Skraaah!
MOONWATCHER  Rawr!! Rawr! Hrr-Raawr!
MOONWATCHER  ...Hur-Har-UR-HAAWR-RAH!
APE 4 Skreeee!  Skreeee-aah!
APE-LEADER  Hrr-Raw! Raw!  RAWWR!
APE-LEADER  Ra-awrr! RAWR!
APE 6 Hrrff! Hrrff! Hrrff! Hrrff!
APE 7 Hoot-oot-hoot-hoot.
APE 4 Skraawww!  Skraaaw!
APE-LEADER  RAWR! RAWR!  Hur-hur-hur-RAWR.
APE 7 Hoot.
APE 4 Skraawww!  Skraaaw!
APE-LEADER  Hurah-rawr-rawr.
APE 4 Skraawww!  Skraaaw!
APE 6 Hrrff! Hrrff! Hrrff!
APE-LEADER  Hur-rawr-RAAAAAAWR!!
APE 4 Skraawww!  Skraaaw!
APE 6 Hrrff! Hrrff! Hrrff!
APE-LEADER  Hur-raw-rawh-rawh!!
APE 4 Skraawww!  Skraaaw!
APE 6 Hrrff! Hrrff! Hrrff!
APE-LEADER  A-aaarrrh!!!
APE 8 Skrraw!
APE-LEADER RAA-AAA-A-AAWR!!
APE 9 Skeee!
MOONWATCHER  ...Hur-Hur-arrh-hur!
APE-LEADER  Hur-rawr-RAAAAAAWR!!
APE 9 Skeee!
MOONWATCHER  ...Rarrh!
APE-LEADER  ...Hur-arrh!
APE 8 Arr-Arrh-ar-ar!
APE 4 (Distant) Skraawww!
APE 8 Hurr-hrr-ar-ar!
 APE 5 Skreee!
APE 4 (Distant) Raawr-ra-ah!
APE-LEADER Hr-hr-rawr-ra! 
APE 4 (Distant) Hrr-huuh-Skraaw-skraw!
APE-LEADER  RAAA-AAAWR!
APE 10  Hoot! Hoot! Hoot-hoot.
APE 10  Rawr!


2001: A Space Odyssey

Grunts, Hoots and Growls by the M-G-M Audio Library (as dictated by Arthur C. Clarke and Stanley Kubrick)

Pictures by Geoffrey Unsworth and Stanley Kubrick

2001: A Space Odyssey is available on DVD and Blu-Ray from Warner Home Entertainment.

MAD Magazine version of the scene