Don't Make a Scene: Clueless

The Story: The first title for the film that would become Clueless was "No Worries." Then, it was titled "I Was a Teenage Teenager." It started as a television pilot about "the in-crowd" which writer-director Amy Heckerling was commissioned to write and of which she "underwhelmed". But, research at Beverly Hills High School (not unlike what Cameron Crowe did for Fast Times at Ridgemont High, her first feature) charged her batteries and she found that while writing the character of Cher Horowitz—selfish and kibitzing but with a sunny "everything's fine" personality ("a happy, optimistic California girl" as Heckerling sums her up)— she was channeling a book she'd read in college. 

That was "Emma", written in 1815 by Jane Austen. As hard as it may be to believe, given the glut of Jane Austen adaptations that have surfaced over the years—and "Emma" adaptations for television began in 1948—Clueless is actually the first feature film based on that particular novel (it would be followed the next year by an official adaptation starring Gwyneth Paltrow and another (titled with a period) right at the start of the pandemic in 2020 starring Anya Taylor-Joy).

Despite the nearly two centuries that had elapsed between novel and Heckerling's progeny, the story manages to hold up—Heckerling, seeing her character's similarity, hard-wired incidents from the book ("because the plot was so brilliantly laid out") but with a 20th Century spin. The television series fell through, but, after acquiring a new agent, was told that her script was too good for a television series and shopped around as a feature, where it was first optioned by Fox—who wanted a re-write with fewer female characters—before it was picked up by Paramount. The result was another hit for Heckerling, and another of the best adaptations of Austen's work. ("Duh...")

The Set-Up: 15 year old Cher Horowitz (Alicia Silverstone), student at L.A.'s Bronson Alcott High School, has just managed to raise her grades by hooking up two of her teachers to put them in better spirits. Now, she's just convinced her lawyer father Mel (Dan Hedaya) to let her practice driving as long as there's a "supervised driver present"...like her ex-step-brother Josh (Paul Rudd), who is visiting from college.

Action (As if...)

CHER (V.O.) A licensed driver with nothing to do? Where would I find such a loser? 

CHER Hey, granola breath, you got something on your chin. 

JOSH I'm growing a goatee. 

CHER Oh, that's good. You don't want to be the last one at the coffee house without chin pubes. 

JOSH I can't tell you how much I enjoy these little chats of ours, but in the interest of saving time, why don't you just tell me what you want. 

CHER OK. So, actually, I have a permit and I can drive and all, but Daddy says I can't take the jeep out without a licenced driver, 

CHER ...and since your not doing anything and all, you know? 

JOSH What are the chances of you shutting up until you get your way? 

CHER Hmmm, 

CHER ...slim to none. 

CHER C'mon! 

SCENE XI - CHER'S CAR 

JOSH Hey, James Bond, in America we drive on the right side of the road. 

CHER I am. You try driving in platforms. 

JOSH Look, I got to get back to school. Ah, you want to practice parking? 

CHER What's the point? Everywhere you go has valet. 

CHER What class you going to? 

JOSH Actually, I'm going to a tree people meeting. 

JOSH Me might get Marky Mark to plant a celebrity tree. 

CHER How fabulous. Getting Marky Mark to take time from his busy pants-dropping schedule to plant trees? 

CHER Josh, why don't you just hire a gardener? 

JOSH You know, maybe Marky Mark wants to use his popularity for a good cause, make a contribution. 

JOSH In case you have never heard of that, a contribution is the giving of... 

CHER Excuse me, but I have donated many expensive Italian outfits to Lucy... 

JOSH ...time... funds... 

CHER And as soon as I get my license I fully intend to brake for animals,

CHER ...and I have contributed many hours helping two lonely teachers find romance. 

JOSH Which I'll bet serves your interest more than theirs. 

JOSH You know, if I ever saw you do something that wasn't ninety percent selfish, I'd die of shock. 

CHER Oh, that'd be reason enough for me.

Clueless

Words by Amy Heckerling

Pictures by Bill Pope and Amy Heckerling

Clueless is available on DVD and Blu-Ray from Paramount Home Video.