"But love is an emotional thing, and whatever is emotional is opposed to that true cold reason which I place above all things. I should never marry myself, lest I bias my judgement."
"The Sign of Four"
"I have never loved""The Adventure of the Devil's Foot"
Sherlock Holmes? For Valentine's Day?
Preposterous.
Although Holmes is considered a "romantic" character, and as many enthusiasts insist on ascribing some sort of "romance" to Holmes (I'm thinking of Irene Adler in "A Scandal in Bohemia" or Nicholas Meyer's opera singer Lola Devereaux in "The Seven Per-cent Solution" for examples—Holmes in disguise became "engaged" in "The Adventure of Charles Augustus Milverton" but it was only to acquire information—cold, calculating, conscienceless), Doyle doesn't speak of it. In fact, in a letter to Dr. John Bell—Doyle's inspiration for Holmes—he writes "Holmes is as inhuman as a Babbage's calculating machine and just about as likely to fall in love"
So, sorry, "shippers." Create your gooey little fan-fictions all you may like. It isn't The Great Detective you're writing about. It's a weak imitation.
But, insist, they do. Take The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes, a product of lifetime Holmes fan, filmmaker Billy Wilder. Wilder was a romanticist—he could barely make a film (except for Stalag 17, I think) without one, whether it was legitimate or cynical. And his tribute—much compromised by studio caveat—contains the thread of an examination of Holmes' emotional underpinnings. In it, he creates another "Irene Adler"—Gabrielle Valladon (played by Geneviève Page)—the subject of an investigation in which Holmes' abilities are tested. And bested. Like "The Scandal in Bohemia", it creates a relationship that intimates love, but resolves in a melancholic after-emotion that doesn't ache in the romantic sense so much as...resonates.
But, what of his sexuality? Well, one did not bring up such things in Victorian times, even if these times are obsessed with it. Wilder brought this up and the rumors that Holmes was homosexual*—if we were considering all things we might consider that he was asexual (or even un-sexual)—in the episode of the film entitled "The Singular Affair of the Russian Ballerina" the detective hints that this is the case to turn down (in a gentlemanly fashion) a diva's proposal that he father her child. This proves embarrassing, personally, to Dr. Watson, who, as a conventional British veteran breeder is aghast that he could be implicated in such an idea.
But, it's elementary, really.
The Set-Up: Sherlock Holmes (Robert Stephens) and Dr. John Watson (Colin Blakely) attend the Imperial Russian Ballet after an anonymous invitation and Holmes learns it's a pretext for a proposed fathering of the lead dancer's child. Holmes begs off by implying he is in a perfectly healthy relationship with Dr. Watson ("He is your glass of tea?"). When Watson learns of this deception, he is incensed and rushes back to 221B Baker Street to consult The Great Detective.
Action!
DISSOLVE TO:
In contrast to the frenetic ambiance of the back-stage
party, the room seems doubly placid. Holmes, his dinner
coat replaced by a smoking jacket, is sitting in the wing
chair, having a quiet pipe after the evening's peculiar
adventure. Only the desk lamp is lit. From the street,
there is the sound of hurried, angry footsteps
approaching the house. Holmes turns his head languidly --
he knows who is coming.
An enraged Watson, cane and opera glasses in hand, and
the flower still behind his ear, is jogging down the
center of the deserted street.
Holmes rises casually, twists the wing chair so that its
back is to the door,
STAIRCASE - 221B BAKER STREET - NIGHT
The front door opens and Watson storms into the
vestibule.
WATSON
Holmes! 
He races up the stairs and across the landing,
Over the back of the wing chair, he sees smoke curling up
from Holmes' pipe.
No answer from Holmes. We now see -- but Watson does not
-- that the chair is occupied by a section of Holmes'
smoking machine, with the pipe attached.
Watson suddenly becomes concerned.
HOLMES
So there'll be a little gossip about you
in St. Petersburg...
HOLMES Watson, you're running amok.
WATSON Damn right.
(Holmes stops)
Words by Billy Wilder and I.A.L. Diamond
The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes is available on DVD and Blu-Ray from M-G-M Home Entertainment.
* Stephens' portrayal tends to suggest that as his performance as Holmes is far more—can we use the word "plummy?"—than one is used to, certainly from the performances of Rathbone or Cushing or Brett.
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