Ready or Not (2019)

Wedding Night Blues (The Family That Plays Together...)
or
"Goddamnit, Emily, Aim for the Center of Gravity!"

There's an old-time comedian's joke as old as Joe Miller's Joke Book that goes "Marriage is a great institution...but who wants to live in an institution?"

For Grace (Samara Weaving, niece of Hugo—and probably the last time any one needs to mention it), marriage is an institution she's been looking forward to for a long time. She's fallen in love with Alex Le Domas (Mark O'Brien) and endured some relationship stipulations from his family, the Le Domas' of the Le Domas games manufacturing fame, who are "big on traditions." But, now, the big day has arrived and she has the usual wedding-day jitters, and as problematic as the family can be ("They just want to make sure you're not a gold-digging whore" says her intended), she's sure about Alex, who has become something of a black sheep of the family. Doesn't mean he won't one day inherit the Le Domas fortune, though, despite the fact that father Tony Le Domas (Henry Czerny) doesn't like her, that his wife (Andie McDowell) is oddly creepy, while Aunt Helene (Nicky Guadagni) isn't just oddly creepy, she's downright horrifying. Then, there's brother Daniel (Adam Brody), "the alcoholic brother who keeps hitting on (her)." For her, the only thing that matters is what Alex thinks, and for that, she's "proud to join your relatively fucked-up family."

Famous last words...

The wedding comes off without a hitch, and it's a dream come true for Grace. An orphan, she's never been part of a family, even one such as this. Well, then again, there IS a hitch: to be truly accepted into the family, she must play a game on her wedding night, which Grace thinks is odd, but she's willing. "If it means your family will accept me, I will play the shit out of checkers."

Led into the substantial mansion's secret gaming room, the extended family is sat around a table, while patriarch Tony tells the story of great-grandfather Victor Le Domas, who made a wager with one Justin Le Bail, who promised him a great fortune, but on the stipulation that any person marrying into the family had to play a game to be chosen by a mysterious box—if they won the game, they would be welcomed to the family and they would all enjoy continued prosperity. That's what they tell Grace, anyway.

What they don't tell Grace is that if she chooses one particular game—"Hide and Seek"—she will be forced to play the game to the death—hers. If she is caught, she will be killed in a ritualistic sacrifice to Le Bail. If she wins, the entire family will suffer a painful and merciless death. Needless to say, the family is very interested in what the outcome of the drawing will be.

Guess what game Grace will be forced to play?

While Grace goes off to find a suitable hiding place where the family can't find her—she is, of course, at a disadvantage as she's the only one who doesn't know the layout of the house or the many secret doorways and passages in the vast mansion—the family arm themselves with ancient weapons to dispatch her, or at least subdue her, so that she can be sacrificed. New husband Alex is forced to stay in a room under guard, so that he can not lend assistance to his newly-wed wife.

Talk about a lousy wedding night. Grace thinks the whole thing is a dumb family tradition, but then, she's not clued in to the fact that the marriage could be viciously annulled at any moment whether by cross-bow, battle-axe, dueling pistol, musket, or bow and arrow. It is only when she comes across one of the servants (who all look like extras from a Robert Palmer video), dead in a case of mistaken identity that she begins to realize that the stakes are very high and that she might not survive it. She is given limited help by Alex, who is under tight family scrutiny, but she's in a white flowing wedding dress with heels in unfamiliar surroundings. The odds are never in her favor.

But, she is adaptable. Plus, she's plucky, and she has a fierce survival instinct. It also helps that the Le Domas family have handicaps—they're not the brightest of bulbs, they are victims of their own sense of doom, and they're rather privileged so the old weapons aren't exactly user-friendly. "The rich really are different." says a depressed Daniel. But, not different in a good way. It also doesn't help that daughter Emilie (Melanie Scrofano) is a coked-out bone-head who tries just a bit too hard and seems to have her best aim when it's directed to one of the servants. Good help is hard to find these days.

If you haven't guessed by now, the film, Ready or Not, is a comedy, but a horrific one. It's laughs are gruesome and grimacing, and only a couple steps less giddy than what you'd find in "The Addams Family." It's gimmicky, but not in the monstrous tradition, more in a comedy version of "The Most Dangerous Game" if the privileged hunters were just as full of themselves, but weren't so competent. Yes, the rich are different, and, these days, they're treated differently, not so much with respect, but with contempt. The Le Domas' (it just occurred to me that the name sounds like "dumb-asses") earned their money the old-fashioned way—they inherited it—and now, their main business is protecting themselves and their dumb-assets from dilution. So, add another hyphenate, this is a satire, as well.

It's something else, as well, but, any other hyphenate would contain spoilers, so we'll leave that one off. Suffice it to say that Weaving's Grace, after some initial whimpering, has an action hero's grit and ability to recover from some pretty scarring injuries, and she has no hesitation about tearing up her pristine wedding dress to make handy tourniquets or garroting material; she's too practical for a trousseau. She is a Bride-zilla with a registry at Cabela's, and as her dress gets more sullied and bloodied, she seems to get more determined to show she's not playing games. 

The directors, Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett, seem to take a wicked delight in keeping the thing paced quickly and keeping the tone somewhat bombastic. In fact, this feels like one of those giddy low-budget movies whose social message is buried six feet under a cackling sensibility, like Night of the Living Dead or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, where the film-makers can't believe they're getting away with it. One is also reminded of the style of Tim Burton without the wobbly art-student design sense or eagerness to please with source pedigree.

Speaking of Burton, it's only a matter of time before he casts Weaving in one of his movies. She has the requisite out-sized porcelain doll's eyes—not unlike Barbara Steele's—that Burton favors as well as the determined stride that his female leads always seem to adapt. But, the Australian actor also has great comic timing, a loose, natural way with dialogue, which, combined with an unguarded buck-toothed smile (that reminds one of John Huston at his most malevolent) that is funny and endearing—you'd root for her even if her opponents weren't so comically incompetent and loathsome. 

Of course, that deck is stacked, she being the underdog, but Weaving's trooperish attitude in an unself-consciously de-glamming performance where she goes from pristine bridehood to looking like a BPA study is a giddy marvel, whatever side of the female empowerment argument you're on. She's great, and one hopes for better parts for her, rather than being perpetually type-cast as Margot Robbie's younger sister.

As gruesome as Ready or Not is, at least it has the good sense to not be too serious about it, taking the tack of that comedy staple, the "in-law" joke. You didn't know you'd be marrying them, too, despite all the warnings signs one sees in the preparation of nuptials. The film might be cathartic for brides made neurotic by "his" (or "her") family, given the universality of the problem. And the film is a fine example of that genre-blending rarity, the comedy-horror film, without skimping on either aspect.