Monsters vs. Aliens

Okay, I know this isn't a horror film. It's an animated comedy for kids...but it has monsters and aliens and the monsters are based on actual horror movie monsters, so.... 

Written at the time of the film's release...

 

"The Ginormica Monologues" 

It's the perfect wedding day for Susan Murphy (voice of Reese Witherspoon, cracked on the boil): she has the perfect dress, the perfect church, and the perfect groom in fat-headed weatherman Derek Dietl (Paul Rudd). But it's all in the timing.  

Just after a little pre-nuptial spat about honeymooning in Paris or Fresno, the bride-to-be gets squashed by a meteorite. At the altar, everyone comments that she's positively glowing...but...glowing green! Then, she goes from meteoric to all metaphoric, by growing enormously, dwarfing her puny groom and scientifically smashing the church to splinters. I kept waiting for the parents to say "our little girl's grown up!" but no such luck.*

Pretty soon, the Army led by General W.R. Monger (a gruff Kiefer Sutherland, having fun) fires hypodermics in her butt and Gulliver her to the ground, where she awakens in one of those cavernous U.S. installations we only wish we had, with a bunch of other monsters Monger's captured since the atomic testing days of the 50's. There's the Missing Link (Will Arnett), a Blob named B.O.B. (Seth Rogen in a bit of typecasting), and the insane Dr. Cockroach (Hugh Laurie), as well as a giant Japanese moth creature called Insectizoid. Kept prisoners by the government, they are finally called out as a last resort when Aliens, led by the evil Galaxhar (Rainn Wilson, like you've never heard him) attack the U.S. ("...they only seem to ever attack here,"** intones a Brokawed-paletted news anchor) after humiliating the President (Stephen Colbert...typecasting again).

Dreamworks and the directors (Conrad Vernon and Rob Letterman of Shrek 2 and Shark Tale, respectively) do a nice job of plumbing the envelope of the monster-crowd giving us versions of Mothra, the Fly, the Blob, The Creature from the Black Lagoon and the 50 ft. Woman, and instilling the politically correct message that these aren't monsters but "special" people...er, things...entities (whatever). Indeed, the entire movie plays like a therapy session for Susan to embrace her empowerment and not to see her change as an accident of Nature, so much as...a happy accident of Nature. Hey, empowerment is empowerment even if you do go up 30 dress-sizes. 

The animation? Extraordinarily simplistic in a weird way. Susan looks like one of those big-eyed Keane children, and most of the men seem to be variations of Nixon (except for Derek, who looks uncannily like Conan O'Brien). The monsters are varying body-types and primary colors, so you can tell who's who when they're flitting across the screen (which they do a lot). 

Still, there is good planning going on, so one is never at a loss for where one is, and where the danger lies. In a totally made-up universe that can be a problem. And the 3-D effects are impressive, starting with a Dreamworks logo gag (heh), and a gratuitous paddle-ball sequence, although the 3-D-ness, sometimes comes off as having the dimensions of a pop-up book. But, the process has come a long way, and is frequently, deliberately eye-popping. It's not enough to recommend seeing it in theaters, though, so hopefully when it comes to DVD, they'll include the 3-D version, with glasses.

* ...and I'll bet the attendess threw puffed rice, (badum-bump!)

** Personally, I think it has to do with our Immigration Policy. "Okay, you can destroy the Golden Gate Bridge...once, but promise you'll never do it again and we'll consider granting you amnesty."\

The Addams Family 2

Oh, *Snap* *Snap*

or

National Lampoon Addams Family Family Vacation Negation

 

I've made plain my life-long love of "The Addams Family" especially the TV-series based on the macabre New Yorker cartoons of Charles Addams (not the worst source for a TV show...), which, for its short two year run, did a running black satire of family sitcoms—credit to Nat Perrin, who'd worked with the Marx Brothers and who knew "funny."

Attempts to revive the characters have been monstrously uneven whether in film, TV revivals or cartoon series. The best result was Barry Sonenfeld's film Addams Family Values, which managed to combine satire—and not sitcom-satire, real satire—and clever writing to make a wicked little movie on many levels. 

 

The same could not be said for 2019's The Addams Family, a CGI-animation version that knew exactly what it was supposed to do...but couldn't make it funny. With that title, you could immediately guess that cleverness was not going to be the spark that animated the thing to life.

 

Well, now everybody's back with...The Addams Family 2. Its biggest joke might be the "Submitted for Your Consideration" ad come Oscar-time.

Oh, technically, it's all fine. CGI being what it is these days, something (like, say, a waterfall) has to be really dodgy for it to be noticed. It's just that there is a sense of rote-ness to this, a feeling that the ambitions are so slim, the characters so known, that any effort besides the obvious isn't attempted, and in fact is avoided, lest it fall out of a PG category and betray the lack of sophistication expected in animated films. There's no shock, no envelope-pushing, and no sense of the black humor emblematic of the original Addams work in The New Yorker.

This one, like the last, focuses on Wednesday Addams (Chloë Grace Moretz), who is going through all sorts of growing pains. For her school's science project, she's developed a way to transfer tendencies from one being to another (ala Freaky Friday (both of them) and God knows how many other films and television shows)—in this case, she transfers her pet octopus' higher brain functions to her sweet but diminished Uncle Fester (Nick Kroll). Fester will, as the film progresses, take on more and more octo-tendencies, which the family doesn't really notice too much (which is odd but not funny). Wednesday's work is noticed by a mad scientist named Cyrus Strange (Bill Hader, surprisingly uneffective) who would like to know her methodology, which she refuses to divulge as "a family secret." 

This starts a plot where Strange sets up a plot to convince the Addams Family that Wednesday was switched at birth with another child (as the joke that Addams used for Wednesday was that she resembled her mother this makes little sense and they have to do extra work to get past DNA issues). As Wednesday is already feeling estranged from her family, this sets too well with her, but not the others, and Gomez suggests they go on a family road trip to see the worst of America (planned stops are Salem, Sleepy Hollow, Miami, San Antonio, The Grand Canyon, Death Valley, and...Sausalito). If one did a little more research—or just had the cajones to risk offending people—they could have found a LOT of places to go.

It's not a lot of fun—there were two lines that made me laugh: When the family sits down to dinner, Fester starts to dig in and Morticia chastises him: "Fester, wait for the children..." to which he replies "I thought we were having CHICKEN!" And at a detour to Niagara Falls, Morticia asks Wednesday "Having fun, dear?" To which she replies "I'm looking at Canada, if that answers your question..." (just the phrasing of that I liked). There's also a nice shot of Gomez being so depressed, he can't even cradle his head on his hands. "Thing" has to do it. It's at the bottom of the review, as it graphically encapsulates how I feel about the film.

The cast does a good job for all they're asked to do: Oscar Isaac is the proper amount of latin dash as Gomez, but Charlize Theron seems to be under the impression that Morticia went to Bryn Mawr. Chloë Grace Moretz has the largest role as Wednesday, but doesn't do much to sell the humor of her depressed daughter, and Nick Kroll does a fine imitation of Jackie Coogan's TV Uncle Fester, but with considerably more saliva. And why the producers thought the sonorous butler Lurch would, when he sings (!!!), have a high singing voice I have no idea, but they do it. He sings "I Will Survive" which isn't funny and makes little sense story-wise.

But, then, that passes for the best you can expect from this milquetoast Addams Family series, which is the wrong format for the wrong audience and betrays and negates the peculiar charms of Addams' original work. It should be staked, coffined, chained, and buried 12 feet deep in salted, sanctified Earth never to materialize in this incarnation again.

The Addams Family (2019)

Altogether Ooky (And I Don't Even Know What That MEANS!!)
or
"Are You Unhappy, Darling?" "Oh, Yes, Yes! Completely"*

I've written about how much I loved "The Addams Family" (both as a 1960's TV show and as a concept from Charles Addams' series of macabre  New Yorker cartoons from 1932 to his apparent death in 1988), and the rather "iffy" attempts to continue the perverse charm in Barry Sonenfeld's feature films and TV spin-off's. There's been a Broadway musical (that I know nothing about) and there were rumors a few years ago that Tim Burton was working on a stop-motion version—which might have been interesting. Burton might not have been entirely faithful to it, but he would have captured the spirit and the schtick that made the old series so enjoyable (as opposed to the watered-down "Munsters" that appeared on CBS at roughly (very roughly) the same time.

Well, that would have been interesting. And probably far more enjoyable than the latest re-boot of The Addams Family, written by Conrad Vernon, Pamela Pettler, Matt Lieberman, Erica Rivinoja and directed by Vernon and Greg Tiernan.

Kudo's to them for designing it closer to Addams' original conceptions (although they don't always make compelling characters—their version of Addams daughter Wednesday is particularly bland) and there are some rare body-snatches of Addams original material—like the line (*) in this post's title. But, the whole thing is barely enjoyable, particularly because some of the voice-casting is underwhelming, with the exception of Oscar Isaac's "Gomez" and Nick Kroll's "Uncle Fester."

But, there's also less emphasis on the family dynamics and more on their "otherness" from somewhat ordinary citizenry. That tactic has always been dull—unless the "normals" were weirder than the Addamses—and usually the least intriguing part of any "Addams" story. How many gawping reactions can you get before it gets old and starts decaying before your eyes? And this version of "The Addams Family" has an awful lot of that.

The film begins with the wedding of Gomez (Isaac) and Morticia (Charlize Theron—she tries, although the role would be better suited to another cast-member, Allison Janney) attended by the Addams Extended Family, but it gets interrupted by locals with torches and pitchforks—ordinary people are turned murderously monstrous by what they fear (now where have we seen that before?)** Escaping with Fester (Kroll) and "Thing" (their literal hand-servant), the joyously gloomy newly-weds head for their honeymoon in New Jersey (State Motto: "What Are YOU Looking At?), where they run down an escapee from an asylum for the criminally insane, who turns out to be Lurch (muttered by director Vernon), who will become their beloved man...er...creature-servant. Trying to return him to the asylum, they find the facility closed (by police tape), abandoned, and haunted. But, for them, it's merely a lovely fixer-upper dream-home to raise a family—but not from the dead—and put down gnarled roots.

Morticia is mortified that Wednesday starts to show interest in bling
"But, darling, pink is a gateway color!"

Cut to thirteen years later. The Addamses have an older daughter Wednesday (Chloe Grace Moretz) and son Pugsley (Finn Wolfhard, busy young man). Wednesday, full of woe, has grown rebellious ("But, darling, you have all the horrors of home right here!") and Pugsley is approaching an Addams right of passage. No, it's not a Bat Mitzvah (but thanks for going there), it's a Mazurka, in which he must demonstrate his prowess as a warrior with the Addams Scimitar. That's not Pugsley's style—he's more of an expert in explosives—and Gomez fears that, despite his worst efforts, Pugsley will be an embarrassment to the Family coming to witness the momentous event. This sentiment seems un-Addamsish.

Meanwhile, gentrification also challenges The Addams Family. At the base of their escarpment their mausoleum is perched on, a development has cropped up, sponsored by the Home, Art, and Garden Network (HAG-TV) and its principal make-over star, Margaux Needler (Janney). As if to push the point a little too far, the name of the town is "Assimilation," and the movie is consumed with her efforts to get rid of the eye-sore that sits in the cross-hairs of Assimilation's picture-windows.

Margaux stops by to give the Addams House a make-over.
The hair may be a political point.

Oh, there are good lines—at one point Wednesday runs away from home, insisting on going to public school (rather than "cage-schooling") and she's asked if she wants to go to the Mall to which she replies "Sure, I haven't seen a good mauling in ages"—but, it's relatively simple to get laughs out of Addams contrariness. The very fact that they're a morbid bunch makes them a natural anathema to normalcy and rife with satirical possibilities aimed at white picket fences. But, this version is a little too desperate to find them. And bludgeons them like a wooden stake.

There's an awful lot of music humor—too much of it—Lurch plays "Green Onions" on the organ and, at one point, "Everybody Hurts." It's a little weak. And it has the annoying habit of going back to the well of the TV-show for dread-cred, rather than stake out new territory. The film-makers make too much of a big deal of the pet lion (in the TV series, did we see that twice?) Did we really need an animated version of the TV-show's theme song that matches the live version to the last detail? Can't this be its own "thing" (so to speak?) without cleaving so close to the source? Are we to reduce the Addams Family to being a horrid cliche, with the very first movie in a re-boot series?

I know it's a children's movie and all, but the group who made the "Hotel Transylvania" films had a better coffin-handle on the material than this weak effort has. 

Maybe I'm a little too close to the source, but, after watching this, I had a normal urge to go down to Lowe's and get a cart full of torches and pitch-forks.

*

** Short Answer: "Everywhere"

"That's 'It', Folks!"