In these days of communicable diseases and precautionary measures for the greater good, folks on both sides of the aisle and of every color-stripe are being a little flippant with the "N"-word—"Nazi." So, just for a refresher course, we are going to sub-set the "Spies" series we're doing with movies where there are Nazi's (you know, "the bad guys"—Indiana Jones fought them in Raiders of the Lost Ark!)
And we're going to call it "Nazi's...Nazi's everywhere."
The Story: One can't look for a tonic from the very genuine horror of the reign of Nazi Germany without turning to Mel Brooks, the Master of the Silly/Outrageous, who took his unique manic view of the world and put it on attack mode with all filters off. When a political group systematically persecutes and murder six million people who are just like you (to the point where you can trace some of your relatives as their victims), no niceties or veneers of politeness need to be applied. Political Correctness should be ignored when considering so horrible a Political Criminality. You go after them with both barrels and keep hammering it into a strangled silence if not complete eradication. They would, after all, do the same for you (demonstrably), and one should feel no pity using their weapons in kind. Mel Brooks has humor and if it offends, who cares? He always preferred the title of the project be "Springtime for Hitler" because it's so provocative—and he loved the marquee value—but financiers balked at the idea, preferring the more generic and safer "The Producers" (he even had to do it when, years later, he engineered an actual Broadway musical based on it—it had to be "The Producers" and not "Springtime for Hitler"—and, of course, it was a hit). His screenplay won the 1968 Oscar for Best Screenplay over 2001: a Space Odyssey by Arthur C. Clarke and Stanley Kubrick. Even though 2001 is my favorite movie, I can't complain they made the right choice. This scene is taken from Brooks' final draft, but there were some changes in the course of filming. (Love that they added the "two coats" line, but I miss the "I would give him his milk and opium" line, that was deleted—that line made me howl with laughter).
The Story: Max Bialystock (Zero Mostel) hapless schlemiel Broadway producer, is scraping out a living seducing ancient old widows for their money on the promise of an upcoming mythical production. An audit by accountant Leo Bloom (Gene Wilder) reveals the theory that, given the economy of Broadway financing, a producer could, in effect, make more money with a flop than a hit. The two decide to go into business on a sure-fire disaster, choosing the play "Springtime for Hitler," and seek out its author to buy the rights.
Action! CUT TO ROOF DOOR.
BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM ENTER ONTO THE ROOF.
THEY LOOK FOR LIEBKIND. HE IS NOT ON THAT SIDE OF ROOF.
THEY WALK AROUND TO OTHER SIDE. AS SOON AS THEY TURN THE
CORNER, THEY SPOT LIEBKIND CROUCHED NEAR THE COOP.
BLOOM
(quietly to Bialystock)
He's wearing a German helmet.
BIALYSTOCK
(in a fierce whisper)
Shhh. Don't say anything to offend
him. We need that play.
BIALYSTOCK (cups his hands to
his mouth and calls
up to the coop)
Franz Liebkind? LIEBKIND IS NOT AWARE OF THEIR PRESENCE UNTIL HE HEARS HIS
NAME CALLED.
STARTLED, HE QUICKLY FLIPS HITLER'S PICTURE UNDER HIS HELMET. LIEBKIND
(he speaks with a
German accent)
I vas never a member of the Nazi
party. I am not responsible.
LIEBKIND I
only followed orders. Who are you? BIALYSTOCK
Mr. Liebkind, wait. You don't
understand. LIEBKIND
Vhy do you persecute me? My papers
are in order. I love my country.
LIEBKIND (he sings)
"Oh, beautiful for spacious skies,"
LIEBKIND "For amber vaves of grain."
BIALYSTOCK
Mr. Liebkind, wait ... LIEBKIND
(singing)
"I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy ...
LIEBKIND Vot do you vant?! BIALYSTOCK
(interrupting)
Mr. Liebkind, relax, relax...
BIALYSTOCK We're
not from the government. We came
here to talk to you about your play.
LIEBKIND
My play? You mean, "Springtime For
... " you know who? BIALYSTOCK
Yes. LIEBKIND
Vat about it?
BIALYSTOCK
We loved it. We thought it was a
masterpiece. That's why we're here.
We want to produce it on Broadway. LIEBKIND
You're not, as you Americans say,
dragging my leg, are you? BLOOM
No, not at all sir, we're quite
serious. We want to produce your
play.
(he reaches into his
attache case and
displays a legal
looking document)
I have the contracts right here.
LIEBKIND
(looking up)
Oh joy of joys! Oh, dream of
dreams! I can't believe it.
LIEBKIND(he turns to the pigeons)
Birds, birds, do you hear? Otto,
Bertz, Heintz, Hans, Wolfgang, do
you hear? Ve are going to clear
the Fuhrer's name. Fly, fly,
spread the words. HE OPENS THE CAGES AND SETS THE BIRDS FREE.
LIEBKIND
(singing at the top
of his lungs)
"Deutchland, Deutchland, uber
alles,"
LIEBKIND "Uber alles in der velt." BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM LOOK AT EACH OTHER IN ALARM. LIEBKIND
(singing for all he's worth)
"Deutchland, Deutchland ... "
BLOOM
(shouting)
Mr. Liebkind, Mr. Liebkind. LIEBKIND STOPS SINGING. LIEBKIND
Vat? BLOOM
People can hear you.
LIEBKIND
OH.
(he sings)
"I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy, Yankee
Doodle is my ... "
LIEBKIND Listen, this is
not place to talk. Come!We go to my flat. An occasion like
this calls for Schnapps. DISSOLVE TO FRANZ LIEBKIND'S APARTMENT. LIEBKIND HAS JUST
FINISHED POURING THREE GLASSES OF SCHNAPPS. HE PUTS THE
BOTTLE ON A TRAY. LIEBKIND
(as he hands glasses
to Bialystock and Bloom)
Mr. Bloom, Mr. Bialystock.
Gentleman, with your permission, I
would like to propose a toast to
the greatest man that ever lived.
Let us say his name quietly to
ourselves. The walls have ears. CUT TO TIGHT SHOT OF FRANZ LIEBKIND. LIEBKIND
(a fervent whisper)
Adolph Hitler.
(he downs drink) CUT TO TIGHT SHOT OF BLOOM. BLOOM
(whisper)
Sigmund Freud.
(he downs drink) CUT TO TIGHT SHOT OF BIALYSTOCK. BIALYSTOCK
(whisper)
Max Bialystock.
(he downs drink) BACK TO SCENE. LIEBKIND
I vas vit him a great deal, you know. BIALYSTOCK
With whom? LIEBKIND
(astonished by the question)
Vit the Fuhrer, of course. He
liked me. Out of all the household
staff at Berchtesgarten, I vas his
favorite. I vas the only one
allowed into his chambers at bedtime. BIALYSTOCK
No kidding? LIEBKIND
Oh, sure. I used to take him his
hot milk and his opium. Achhh,
those were the days. Vat good
times ve had. Dinner parties vit
lovely ladies and gentlemen,
singing und dancing.
LIEBKIND You know, not
many people knew about it, but the
Fuhrer vas a terrific dancer.
BIALYSTOCK
Really, I never dreamed ...
LIEBKIND
(flies into an
indignant rage)
That's because you were taken in by
that verdampter Allied propaganda.
LIEBKIND Such filthy lies they told. Lies!
LIEBKIND But nobody said
a bad vord about Winston Churchill,
did they?
LIEBKIND Oh no, Vin Vit Vinnie!
(he gestures V for victory)
LIEBKIND Churchill...
LIEBKIND ...vit his cigars and his
brandy and his rotten paintings. Rotten!
LIEBKIND Hitler. Zere was a painter. He could paint an entire apartment in one afternoon.
LIEBKIND TWO COATS!
LIEBKIND Churchill. Couldn't even say Nazi.
LIEBKIND He would
say Narzis, Narzis.
LIEBKIND Ve vere not
Narzies, ve vere Nazis.
LIEBKIND Churchill!
BIALYSTOCK Exactly why...
LIEBKIND But let me
tell this,
LIEBKIND ...and you're getting it
straight from the horse, Hitler vas
better looking than Churchill, he
vas a better dresser than Churchill,
had more hair, told funnier jokes,
and could dance the pants off
Churchill!
BIALYSTOCK Exactly why... LIEBKIND Churchill!
BIALYSTOCK Yes, yes. Churchill!
BIALYSTOCK
(swinging along)
That's exactly why we want to do
this play. To show the world the
true Hitler, the Hitler you knew,
the Hitler you loved, the Hitler
with a song in his heart.
BIALYSTOCK (CONT'D)
(to Bloom)
Leo, quick, the contract.
BLOOM QUICKLY WHIPS THE CONTRACT OUT OF HIS POCKET,
PRODUCES
A PEN,
HANDS THEM TO BIALYSTOCK.
BIALYSTOCK SPREADS THE
CONTRACT OUT ON THE TABLE BEFORE LIEBKIND.
BIALYSTOCK
Here, sign here, Franz Liebkind.
And make your dream a reality.
The Story: One can't look for a tonic from the very genuine horror of the reign of Nazi Germany without turning to Mel Brooks, the Master of the Silly/Outrageous, who took his unique manic view of the world and put it on attack mode with all filters off. 
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