The Story: May 3rd today. May 4th tomorrow. For fans of Star Wars, "May the Fourth" (as in "May the Force") is THE "Star Wars" Holiday—I just saw Disney+ advertise it for their channel. I've written that I always consider May 25th "Star Wars Day," as that's the day it opened nation-wide to relatively little fanfare in very few theaters, but the lines and audience increased exponentially like Covid cases at the ones that dared show it. Very quickly, the film became a Phenomenon. And for some, something close to a religion. It ain't. It's just a damn good movie, simultaneously making and scuttling the career of George Lucas, experimental film-maker. Lucas sold the property (part of Lucasfilm, Ltd) to Disney for billions, for retirement and philanthropist funds—and also because nobody was happy when Lucas made his long-in-the-planning prequels, especially Lucas who found that you can't please everybody, especially fans of your work. I couldn't blame him. Star Wars fans can be the worst, steeped in arcana that somebody made up and they take as gospel. It's just a movie and just a fantasy. You can't dodge blaster-shots, even with jedi powers...in fact, there are no such things as blasters. You can't turn corners in outer space, and travelling through hyper-space ain't like dusting crops (boy). So, instead of a Star Wars scene, here's one for the fans...about the fans...from Kevin Smith's Clerks. Smith is a devotee and loves the franchise. This little aside comes out of nowhere like one of Quentin Tarantino's comic-book discussions, but it's close to the sorts of things discussed (and argued) in the Star Wars bubbles. It's just that...the Death Star isn't real—any of them—and nobody was thinking about toilet mains or conduits or breaker systems. The Death Star sets had as much integrity as one of those frontier towns where movie-makers just put up the frontages...and that's it. It's all make-believe...like the lives of the characters in Clerks. But, still...remember that scene where....? The Set-Up: Randal (Jeff Anderson) works at the video store and Dante (Brian O'Halloran) at the Quick Stop Groceries. That's about it. Action?
The MAN exits as RANDAL enters. DANTE throws the canister
away.
DANTE
Do you know that article is accurate?
Caitlin's really getting married! RANDAL
You know what I just watched? DANTE
Me pulling a can off some moron's
fist. RANDAL
Return of the Jedi.
DANTE
Didn't you hear me? Caitlin really
is getting married.
RANDAL
Which did you like better: Jedi or
The Empire Strikes Back? DANTE
(exasperated)
Empire. RANDAL
Blasphemy.
DANTE
Empire had the better ending: Luke
gets his hand cut off, and finds
out Vader's his father; Han gets
frozen and taken away by Boba Fett.
It ends on such a down note. And
that's life-a series of down
endings. All Jedi had was a bunch
of Muppets.
RANDAL
There was something else going on
in Jedi. I never noticed it until
today. RANDAL follows DANTE as he cleans up around the store. DANTE
What's that? RANDAL
All right, Vader's boss... DANTE
The Emperor. RANDAL
Right, the Emperor. Now the Emperor
is kind of a spiritual figure, yes? DANTE
How do you mean? RANDAL
Well, he's like the pope for the
dark side of the Force. He's a holy
man; a shaman, kind of, albeit an
evil one. DANTE
I guess. RANDAL
Now, he's in charge of the Empire.
The Imperial government is under
his control. And the entire galaxy
is under Imperial rule. DANTE
Yeah. RANDAL
Then wouldn't that logically mean
that it's a theocracy? If the head
of the Empire is a priest of some
sort, then it stands to reason that
the government is therefore one
based on religion. DANTE
It would stand to reason, yes. RANDAL
Hence, the Empire was a fascist
theocracy, and the rebel forces
were therefore battling religious
persecution. DANTE
More or less. RANDAL
The only problem is that at no
point in the series did I ever hear
Leia or any of the rebels declare a
particular religious belief. DANTE
I think they were Catholics. A BLUE-COLLAR MAN half enters the door. BLUE-COLLAR MAN
Are you open? DANTE
Yeah. Come in. He goes to the coffee machine and makes a cup of joe. RANDAL
You know what else I noticed in Jedi? DANTE
There's more? RANDAL
So they build another Death Star,
right? DANTE
Yeah. RANDAL
Now the first one they built was
completed and fully operational
before the Rebels destroyed it.
DANTE
Luke blew it up. Give credit where
it's due. RANDAL
And the second one was still being
built when they blew it up. DANTE
Compliments of Lando Calrissian. RANDAL
Something just never sat right with
me the second time they destroyed
it. I could never put my finger on
it-something just wasn't right. DANTE
And you figured it out? RANDAL
Well, the thing is...
RANDAL ...the first Death
Star was manned by the Imperial
army-the only people onboard were...
RANDAL ...storm troopers, dignitaries- Imperials. DANTE
Basically. RANDAL
So when they blew it up, no prob.
Evil is punished. DANTE
And the second time around...?
RANDAL
The second time around, it wasn't
even finished yet. They were still
under construction. DANTE
So?
RANDAL
A construction job of that magnitude
would require a helluva lot more
manpower than the Imperial army had
to offer. I'll bet there were
independent contractors working on
that thing: plumbers, aluminum
siders, roofers. DANTE
Not just Imperials, is what you're
getting at. RANDAL
Exactly. In order to get it built
quickly and quietly they'd hire
anybody who could do the job. Do
you think the average storm trooper
knows how to install a toilet main?
All they know is killing and white
uniforms. DANTE
All right, so even if independent
contractors are working on the
Death Star, why are you uneasy with
its destruction?
RANDAL
All those innocent contractors
hired to do a job were killed-
casualties of a war they had
nothing to do with.
(notices Dante's confusion)
RANDAL All right, look-you're a roofer,
and some juicy government contract
comes your way; you got the wife
and kids and the two-story in
suburbia-this is a government
contract, which means all sorts of
benefits. All of a sudden these
left-wing militants blast you with
lasers and wipe out everyone within
a three-mile radius.
RANDAL (CONT'D)
You didn't ask for that. You have
no personal politics.
RANDAL You're just
trying to scrape out a living. The BLUE-COLLAR MAN joins them. BLUE-COLLAR MAN
Excuse me. I don't mean to
interrupt, but what were you
talking about? RANDAL
The ending of Return of the Jedi.
DANTE
My friend is trying to convince me
that any contractors working on the
uncompleted Death Star were innocent
victims when the space station was
destroyed by the rebels.
BLUE-COLLAR MAN
Well, I'm a contractor myself. I'm
a roofer...
(digs into pocket and
produces business card)
BLUE-COLLAR MAN Dunn and Reddy Home Improvements.
And speaking as a roofer, I can say
that a roofer's personal politics
come heavily into play when choosing
jobs. RANDAL
Like when?
BLUE-COLLAR MAN
Three months ago I was offered a
job up in the hills.
BLUE-COLLAR MAN A beautiful
house with tons of property. It was
a simple reshingling job, but I was
told that if it was finished within
a day, my price would be doubled.
Then I realized whose house it was. DANTE
Whose house was it?
BLUE-COLLAR MAN
Dominick Bambino's. RANDAL
"Babyface" Bambino? The gangster?. BLUE-COLLAR MAN
The same. The money was right, but
the risk was too big. I knew who he
was, and based on that, I passed
the job on to a friend of mine.
DANTE
Based on personal politics.
BLUE-COLLAR MAN
Right. And that week, the Foresci
family put a hit on Babyface's
house. My friend was shot and
killed. He wasn't even finished
shingling. RANDAL
No way!
BLUE-COLLAR MAN
(paying for coffee)
I'm alive because I knew there were
risks involved taking on that
particular client. My friend wasn't
so lucky.
(pauses to reflect)
You know, any contractor willing to
work on that Death Star knew the
risks. If they were killed, it was
their own fault.
BLUE-COLLAR MAN A roofer listens
to this...
(taps his heart)
not his wallet.
The BLUE-COLLAR MAN exits.
DANTE and RANDAL remain
respectfully quiet for a moment. An angry WOMAN opens the
door and pokes her head in.
No comments:
Post a Comment