Sunday, December 29, 2024

Don't Make a Scene: On Her Majesty's Secret Service

The Story: As we discussed on the recent Lambcast (#757) for December's Movie of the Month (Christmas edition) featuring On Her Majesty's Secret Service, this 6th film of the "official" James Bond series has a rather unfair reputation, being seen as a not-so-popular edition of the 007 series, often being left out of film festivals for the films starring "the other fellows." And when ABC-television in America began showing the series on their Sunday movie broadcasts, it was the last of the bunch, and altered extensively to attract viewers (starting with a late-in-the-movie action sequence before deeming to begin the movie from its original starting place.

And it's a shame, actually. OHMSS is one of the better Bond films—they'd been announcing it in the final "James Bond Will Return" credit in the initial runs of the movies since Goldfinger. But, circumstances kept seeing it pushed off. By the time weather conditions were properly snowy in the Swiss Alps to film there, the first Bond of the series, Sean Connery, had had enough of competing with the scenery, the sets, and the gadgets and bid "ciao" to the series (although he would come back to the role...twice).

The producers had to find a new Bond. They approached a young Timothy Dalton (he would become "official" Bond #4) who said no, saying that 1) he was too young and 2) following Connery in the role would be "career-suicide." But, if you didn't have much of a career already, the role must have seemed very attractive...as it did to a 28 year old male model named George Lazenby, who lobbied hard...and won...the role. And Lazenby is a good place-holder for the series—he only did the one, refusing to sign a multi-picture contract, as he was already thinking the Bond films (at a time when Easy Rider and The Graduate were popular) was past its "relevancy" shelf-life.*
 
Lazenby had a couple of problems—he wasn't an actor (he'd padded his CV with fictional international pictures that couldn't be traced) and...he wasn't Sean Connery, who'd had years of acting and less-than-stellar roles (that few had seen and fewer remembered) before he starred as Bond. Of course, he wasn't as good—thus the slightly tarnished reputation of the film. 

But, he has a couple of quite good scenes. This is one of them. Lazenby's performance noticeably improved when he was doing scenes with really good actors (like co-stars Diana Rigg, Telly Savalas and Bond-veteran Bernard Lee) and this scene shows a just-recovered-from-being-knocked-cold James Bond being confronted by the villain of the piece, Ernst Stavro Blofeld (the head of S.P.E.C.T.R.E.), who is only too happy to gloat about seeing through Bond's disguise, capturing him, and telling him of his latest blackmail plot against the world (Question: why don't they just shoot him?**). Bond villains DO like to gloat (even REAL ones!) and Savalas has a high time doing it. And Lazenby has just the right touch of concern...and typical Bond arrogance...that his opponent is so full of himself that he'll be able to eventually "save the day." Maybe.
 
The Set-up: As part of "Operation Bedlam," James Bond (George Lazenby) of MI6 has infiltrated the mountain-top clinic of one Count de Bleauchamp, a specialist in the treating of allergies, but who in reality is his old enemy Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Telly Savalas), hatching another plot to blackmail (dare I say it?) the world. As Blofeld is obsessed with being recognized as the legitimate heir to the de Bleauchamp lineage, Bond is posing as the head of the Royal College of Arms, Sir Hilary Bray, who has been contacted by the clinic for the genealogical research—and has been spending his nights researching the young women being treated there. He's has been discovered in flagrante and knocked unconscious.
 
Action!
 
ERNST STAVRO BLOFELD:
Merry Christmas, 007. 
JAMES BOND (imitating Bray):
I'm Sir Hilary Bray. - 
BLOFELD:
Oh, no, no, no, Mr Bond. 
BLOFELD:
Respectable baronets from the college of heralds...
BLOFELD:
...do not seduce female patients in clinics. 
BLOFELD:
On the other hand, they do get their professional details right. 
BLOFELD:
The Bleuchamp tombs are not in the Augsburg Cathedral as you said, but in the St Anna Kirche. 
BLOFELD:
Sir Hilary Bray would have known. 
BLOFELD:
A small slip. 
BLOFELD:
 
Takes more than a few props to turn 007...
BLOFELD:
 
...into a herald. 
BOND:
It'll take more than cutting off your ear lobes, Blofeld, to turn you into a count. 
BLOFELD:
I may yet surprise you, but I'm afraid that you have no surprises left for me. 
BLOFELD:
I know all about your mission, Mr Bond. 
BLOFELD:
Your colleague: 
BLOFELD:
Such a keen...
BLOFELD:
...climber, such a brilliant conversationalist. 
BLOFELD:
Before he left us.
BOND:
You realize he reported where I am.
BLOFELD:
I doubt that. 
BLOFELD:
In any case, no one's going to come to your rescue. 
BLOFELD:
In a few hours, 
BLOFELD:
the United Nations will receive our yuletide greetings. 
BLOFELD:
The information that I now possess...
BLOFELD:
...the scientific means to control, or to destroy, the economy of the whole world. 
BLOFELD:
People will have more important things... 
BLOFELD:
...to think about than you. 
BOND:
If they believe your threat. 
BLOFELD: (laughs)
BLOFELD:
Oh, they will. 
BLOFELD:
In any case, I have prepared a demonstration. 
BLOFELD:
Remember that disagreeable outbreak... 
BLOFELD:
...of foot-and-mouth disease in England last summer? 
BLOFELD:
Well, I shall instruct them, in very convincing terms, exactly how I arranged that. 
BLOFELD:
And my capacity has improved since. 
BOND:
Allergy vaccines? 
BOND:
Bacteria. 
BOND:
Bacteriological warfare. 
BLOFELD:
With a difference. 
BLOFELD:
Our great breakthrough since last summer has been the confection of a certain...
BLOFELD:
virus omega.
BOND:
Infertility. - 
BLOFELD:
Total infertility. 
BLOFELD:
In plants and animals. Not just disease in a few herds, Mr Bond, or the loss of a single crop. But the destruction of a whole strain...forever, throughout an entire continent. 
BLOFELD:
If my demands are not met, I shall proceed with the extinction of whole species of cereals and livestock all over the world. 
BOND:
Including, I suppose, the human race. 
BLOFELD:
I don't think, do you, Mr Bond, the United Nations will let it come to that. Not after their scientists analyze a small sample of...
BLOFELD:
...virus omega they have received. 
BOND:
Epidemics of sterility. 
BOND:
Nothing is born. 
BOND:
No seed even begins to sprout. They'll find an antidote. - 
BLOFELD:
Of course! 
BLOFELD:
If I give them enough time. 
BOND:
They'll have time. 
BOND:
Once they're warned, you'll have a problem dispensing the stuff. 
BLOFELD:
That problem has already been solved. 
BLOFELD:
I have been training my own special "angels of death". - 
BOND:
Those girls? 
BLOFELD:
"
Those girls." And many others like them. 
BOND:
But exactly how? 
BLOFELD:
That will remain my secret. 
BOND:
And how many hundred millions do you want... 
BOND:
...for your services this time, Blofeld? 
BLOFELD: This time? 
BLOFELD:
This time the price is of another kind. 
BLOFELD:
You'll be even more amused...
BLOFELD:
...when you know what. 
BLOFELD:
In the meanwhile, 
BLOFELD:
I will keep you here as my guest. 
BLOFELD:
You'll be useful in helping to convince the authorities... 
BLOFELD:
...that I mean what I say and I'll do what I claim. 
BLOFELD:
Come, let me show you to your new quarters.

On Her Majesty's Secret Service

Words by Richard Maibaum and Simon Raven

Pictures by Michael Reed and Peter Hunt

On Her Majesty's Secret Service is available on DVD and Blu-Ray on M-G-M Home Video.
 
* He shouldn't be thought too harshly about this. The Bond producers, Harry Saltzman and Albert Broccoli, initially thought the Bond series would probably only last 10 years. They're still be produced 52 years later.

** A question asked in the "Austin Powers" series that parodied Bond so close-to-the-bone that the Daniel Craig films had to toss out all the old 007 tropes and start from scratch (in case you're kvetching about why those films were so different and "serious").

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