There is the conceit in Arthur Conan Doyle's stories that they are, actually, "a reprint from the reminiscences of John H. Watson," the "Dr." Watson, who served as Holmes' best friend, assistant and flat-mate. And also, his biographer, of a sorts.
Once that conceit was employed, Conan Doyle also established that Holmes as well as Watson's reminiscences existed in the same world. In other words, Holmes was aware that Watson published the chronicles in their world and, as they were published in ours, that Holmes might (who knows?) actually exist. He...if he existed...would actually have read the same Watson chronicles that we were reading.
The first instance of Holmes commenting on Watson's chronicling came in "The Sign of Four" set in 1888...published February 1890. In it, Holmes gives Watson his opinion of his work. "I glanced over it. Honestly, I cannot congratulate you upon it.
Detection is, or ought to be, an exact science and should be treated in
the same cold and unemotional manner. You have attempted to tinge it
with romanticism... The only point in the case which deserved mention
was the curious analytical reasoning from effects to causes, by which I
succeeded in unraveling it."
Here, in the opening of The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes, he does basically the same thing, criticizing Watson's overall romanticism, and specifically pointing out some inaccuracies, all of which Holmesians—and Billy Wilder was one—would be all too familiar with. He also drops the first hint of a clue, which would figure prominently in the main story, the only part of the planned 3½ film that has remained intact. The film was planned as a roadshow attraction with intermission, but the producers and studio hacked away at the film, fearing the long run-time would limit showings, and, in a time when "youth movies" were the thing, be a box office liability. One suspects Professor Moriarty behind the film's dismemberment.
One can also tell...from the excising of the original opening narration, that instead of providing a straight-ahead introduction, Wilder was impelled to start the laughs off early with a casebook detail that is, frankly, ludicrous. "The depth the parsley had sunk in the butter on a hot day," indeed.
Oh, and one inconsistency: Watson states in the film that the date was August of 1887. "The Red-Headed League," which he displays proudly, was first published (in these parts, anyway) in August 1891.
The Set-Up: A chest is found at a London Bank containing the mementos of Dr. John H. Watson (Colin Blakely) that, when it is opened, contains a manuscript, from the pen of the doctor himself, about an never-before disclosed case of Sherlock Holmes (Robert Stephens).
Action.
WATSON'S VOICETo my heirs: In my lifetime I have
recorded some sixty cases demonstrating the singular gift of my friend
Sherlock Holmes - dealing with everything from The Hound of the
Baskervilles to his mysterious brother Mycroft and the devilish
Professor Moriarty. But there were other adventures which, for reasons
of discretion, I have decided to withhold from the public until this
much later date. They involve matters of a delicate and sometimes
scandalous nature...
EXT. BAKER STREET - DAY
A hansom cab, with Holmes' and Watson's luggage strapped
to the rack on top, is proceeding down the busy street.
WATSON'S VOICE ...as will shortly become apparent.
WATSON'S VOICE
He was the most brilliant man I have ever
known -- and I dare say people have
envied me for sharing that flat with him
in Baker Street.
The cab draws up in front of 221B.
WATSON'S VOICEIt was August of 1887 and we were
returning from Yorkshire, where Holmes had solved the baffling
murder of Admiral Abbernatty.
The front door opens
and MRS. HUDSON, a plump, motherly woman in her fifties,
wearing an apron, hurries down the steps. She greets
Holmes and Watson warmly as they alight.
WATSON'S VOICEI'll grant you he was stimulating -- but
he could also be moody, unpredictable,
egocentric, and more often than not,
completely infuriating -- as our
landlady, Mrs. Hudson, can attest --
bless her kind soul.
The cabbie starts to unload their luggage.
WATSON'S VOICEYou may recall that he broke the
murderer's alibi by measuring the depth to which the parsley had sunk in
the butter on a hot day.
As Holmes,
Watson and Mrs. Hudson proceed inside,
CAMERA TRAVELS UP
THE FACADE OF THE BUILDING,
past the number 221B, to the
bay window on the second floor.
INT. LIVING ROOM - 221B BAKER STREET - DAY
It's all there -- the fireplace, the coal scuttle, the
Persian slipper with the tobacco; the velvet wing chair,
the basket chair with the writing-arm, the couch with the
cushions; the sideboard with the tantalus and the
gasogene; the acid-stained deal-topped table with Holmes'
chemical equipment on it, the dining table, the small
Moorish table; the bookshelves and the violin case; the
gas fixtures and the oil lamps; the dumbwaiter connecting
with the kitchen in the basement; and Holmes' desk, piled
high with papers, clippings, research material, etc.
Holmes is pulling up the window shades.
Watson has
removed his hat and coat, and is putting his medical bag
down on the sideboard; the cabbie, having deposited their
luggage, is just leaving.
MRS. HUDSON
I do wish you'd give me a little more
warning when you come home unexpected. I
would have roasted a goose
MRS. HUDSON -- and had
some flowers for you.
HOLMES
My dear Mrs. Hudson -- criminals are as
unpredictable as head-colds.
HOLMES You never
quite know when you're going to catch
one.
He has picked up a dagger, starts opening his mail, which
is on the dining table.
MRS. HUDSON
I'll unpack your bags.
She exits into one of the bedrooms. Watson has now taken
a magazine out of an envelope.
WATSON
Here's an advance copy of Strand
Magazine.
(shows it to Holmes)
WATSONThey've printed 'The Red-Headed League!'
On the cover is a colored illustration from the story,
featuring in obligatory Inverness and deerstalker.
HOLMES
(offhand)
Very impressive.
WATSON
(leafing through the
magazine)
Would you like to see how I treated it?
HOLMES
I can hardly wait. I'm sure I'll find
out...
HOLMES ... all sorts of fascinating things about
the case that I never knew before.
WATSON
Just what do you mean by that?
HOLMES
Oh, come now, Watson, you must admit that
you have a tendency to over-romanticize.
HOLMES You have taken my simple exercises in
logic and embellished them, exaggerated
them... WATSON
I deny the accusation.
HOLMES
You have described me as six-foot-four,
whereas I am barely six-foot-one.
WATSON
A bit of poetic license.
HOLMES
(removing Inverness and
deerstalker)
You have saddled me with this improbable
costume, which the public now expects me
to wear.
WATSON
That's not my doing.
(indicating cover of Strand)
Blame it on the illustrator.
HOLMES
You've made me out to be a violin
virtuoso. Here --
6.
(holds out a letter he's been
reading)
-- a request
HOLMES There's an invitation there from the Liverpool Symphony
to appear as soloist in the Mendelssohn
Concerto.
WATSON
(excited)
Oh, really?
HOLMES
The fact is that I could barely hold my
own in the pit orchestra of a second-rate
music hall.
WATSON
You're much too modest.
HOLMES
(busy with the mail)
You have given the reader the distinct
impression that I am a misogynist.
HOLMES Actually, I don't dislike women -- I
merely distrust them. The twinkle in the
eye and the arsenic in the soup.
WATSON
It's those little touches that make you
colorful --
HOLMES
Lurid is more like it.
HOLMES You have painted
me as a hopeless dope addict -- just
because I occasionally take a five per
cent solution of cocaine.
WATSON
A seven per cent solution.
HOLMES
Five per cent. Don't you think I'm aware
you've been diluting it behind my back?
WATSON
As a doctor -- and as your friend -- I
strongly disapprove of this insidious
habit of yours.
HOLMES
My dear friend -- as well as my dear
doctor -- I only resort to narcotics when
I am suffering from acute boredom --
HOLMES when
there are no interesting cases to engage
my mind.
HOLMES (holding out one of the open
letters)
Look at this -- an urgent appeal to find
six missing midgets.
He tosses the letter down is disgust.
WATSON
Did you say midgets?
He picks up the letter.
HOLMES
Six of them -- the Tumbling Piccolos --
an acrobatic act with some circus.
WATSON
Disappeared between London and Bristol
...
WATSON Don't you find that intriguing?
HOLMES
Extremely so.
HOLMES You see, they are not only
midgets -- but also anarchists.
WATSON
Anarchists?
HOLMES
(nodding)
By now they have been smuggled to Vienna,
dressed as little girls in burgundy
pinafores.
HOLMES They are to greet the Czar of
all the Russias when he arrives at the
railway station.
HOLMES They will be carrying
bouquets of flowers,
HOLMES ...concealed in each
bouquet will be a bomb with a lit fuse.
WATSON
You really think so?
HOLMES
Not at all.
HOLMES The circus owner offers me
five pounds for my services --
HOLMES that's not
even a pound a midget.
HOLMESSo obviously he is a stingy blighter, and
the little chaps simply ran off to join
another circus.
WATSON
(crestfallen)
Oh. And it sounded so promising --
HOLMES
There are no great crimes anymore,
Watson. The criminal class has lost all
enterprise and originality.
HOLMES At best they
commit some bungling villainy, with a
motive so transparent...
HOLMES ...that even a
Scotland Yard official can see through
it.
He has crossed to the desk, suddenly notices something.
HOLMES
(angrily)
Mrs. Hudson!
HOLMES (even angrier)
MRS. HUDSON!
Mrs. Hudson comes hurrying out of the bedroom.
MRS. HUDSON
Yes?
MRS. HUDSON What is it? What have I done now?
HOLMES
(sternly)
There is something missing from my desk.
MRS. HUDSON
Missing?
HOLMES
Something very crucial.
(picks up a small feather)
HOLMES Dust!
HOLMES You have been tidying up against my
explicit orders.
MRS. HUDSON
Oh, I made sure not to disturb anything.
HOLMES
Dust, Mrs. Hudson, is an essential part
of my filing system.
HOLMES By the thickness of
it, I can date any document immediately.
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