Blogging By Cinema-light: Don't Make a Scene: The Princess Bride

The Story: Hubris. There's a twenty-five cent name for it, actually: The Dunning-Kruger Effect. And it could be the very basis of comedy. Like Mel Brooks says: "Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall down a man-hole and die." The comedy of The Dunning-Kruger Effect is that a person of a self-professed vaulting intellect could be so damn dumb. People who think they're smart aren't nearly as smart as they think they are. And the folks who think they may be lacking, might be just as wrong as they might be right. And that's the Dunning-Kruger Effect: Incompetent people 1) fail to recognize their own lack of skill; 2) fail to recognize the extent of their inadequacy; 3) fail to accurately gauge skill in others and 4) recognize and acknowledge their own lack of skill only after they are exposed to training for that skill.

And just to make sure I'm getting through to everybody here (no matter how competent you think you are), think "Wile E. Coyote."

Self-knowledge—or lack of it—makes for great story-telling; what would the hero's journey be without it (or is that "with it?"). And the character who gets everything right can be pretty dull, or at least, smug—even Sherlock Holmes made a mistake now and then.

But, how are you going to learn anything, if you think you already know everything?

It's a classic blunder, right up there with "never get involved in a land-war in Asia."

The Set-Up: A common girl (of uncommon beauty) Buttercup (Robin Wright) becomes bereft when the ardent, but poor, stable-boy that she loves Westley (Cary Elwes) leaves her family's employ to seek his fortunes to marry her. But, he is lost at sea, and, convinced that she will never love again, deigns to marry the duplicitous Prince Humperdinck (Chris Sarandon), who, unbeknownst to her, has hired three ne'er-do-well's (Wallace Shawn, Mandy Patinkin, and Andre the Giant) to kidnap his betrothed in order to start a war with a neighboring land.

The plot does not go well, for soon after the kidnapping, the three thieves realize they are being pursued by a lone Man dressed in Black, whose aim seems to be to rescue the girl and spoil the Prince's plan. One by one, the Man in Black bests, first, the skilled Spaniard swordsman, Inigo Montoya, then the intimidating brute Fezzik, until, at last, he meets the ring-leader, Vizzini.

Action!

THE MAN IN BLACK cresting the peak of the mountain.

CUT TO: CLOSE-UP ON a knife pointed at a throat -- PULL BACK TO REVEAL Vizzini munching on an apple, holding the knife to Buttercup's throat. She is blindfolded.
A PICNIC SPREAD is laid out. A tablecloth, two goblets and between them, a small leather wine container. And some cheese and a couple of apples. The picnic is set on a lovely spot, high on the edge of a mountain path with a view all the way back to the sea.

The Man In Black comes running around the path, sees Vizzini, slows. The two men study each other. Then --

VIZZINI So...

VIZZINI ...it is down to you. And it is down to me.

The Man In Black nods and comes nearer --

VIZZINI If you wish her dead, by all means keep moving forward.
And he pushes his long knife harder against Buttercup's unprotected throat.

MAN IN BLACK Let me explain-

VIZZINI -- there's nothing to explain. You're trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen.

MAN IN BLACK Perhaps an arrangement can be reached.

VIZZINI There will be no arrangement --

VIZZINI (deliberate) -- and you're killing her!

CUT TO: BUTTERCUP'S THROAT as Vizzini jabs with his long knife. Buttercup gasps against the pain.

CUT TO: THE MAN IN BLACK stopping fast.

MAN IN BLACK But if there can be no arrangement...

MAN IN BLACK ....then we are at an impasse.

VIZZINI I'm afraid so -- I can't compete with you physically. And you're no match for my brains.

MAN IN BLACK You're that smart?

VIZZINI Let me put it this way: have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
MAN IN BLACK Yes.
VIZZINI Morons.

MAN IN BLACK Really?

MAN IN BLACK In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits.

VIZZINI For the Princess?

The Man In Black nods.

VIZZINI To the death?

Another nod.

VIZZINI I accept.

MAN IN BLACK Good. Then pour the wine.

As Vizzini fills the goblets with the dark red liquid,

the Man In Black pulls a small packet from his clothing, handing it to Vizzini.

MAN IN BLACK Inhale this, but do not touch.

VIZZINI (doing it) I smell nothing.

MAN IN BLACK (taking the packet back) What you do not smell is called iocane powder. It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid...

MAN IN BLACK ...and is among the more deadlier poisons known to man.
VIZZINI Hmm.

CUT TO: VIZZINI watching excitedly as the Man In Black takes the goblets, turns his back.

A moment later, he turns again, faces Vizzini, drops the iocane packet.

It is now empty.

The Man In Black rotates the goblets in a little shell game maneuver then puts one glass in front of Vizzini, the other in front of himself.

MAN IN BLACK All right: where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun.

>MAN IN BLACK It ends when you decide and we both drink...

MAN IN BLACK ...and find out who is right

MAN IN BLACK ...and who is dead.

VIZZINI But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you. Are you the sort of man...

VIZZINI ...who would put the poison into his own goblet, or his enemy's?
He studies the Man In Black now.

VIZZINI Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I'm not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

MAN IN BLACK (And now there's a trace of nervousness beginning) You've made your decision then?

VIZZINI Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.

MAN IN BLACK Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.

VIZZINI Wait till I get going! Where was I?

MAN IN BLACK Australia.

VIZZINI Yes -- Australia, and you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

>MAN IN BLACK (very nervous) You're just stalling now.

VIZZINI (cackling) You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? (stares at the Man in Black) You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong.

VIZZINI So, you could have put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you.

VIZZINI So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard which means you must have studied.

VIZZINI And in studying, you must have learned that man is mortal...

VIZZINI ...so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
As Vizzini's pleasure has been growing throughout, the Man In Black's has been fast disappearing.

MAN IN BLACK You're trying to trick me into giving away something -- it won't work --

VIZZINI (triumphant) It has worked -- you've given everything away -- I know where the poison is.

MAN IN BLACK (fool's courage) Then make your choice.

VIZZINI I will. And I choose --

And suddenly he stops, points at something behind the Man In Black.

VIZZINI -- what in the world can that be?

CUT TO:

47. THE MAN IN BLACK turning around, looking.

MAN IN BLACK What? Where? I don't see anything.

CUT TO: VIZZINI busily switching the goblets while the Man In Black has his head turned.

VIZZINI Oh, well, I-I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. The Man In Black turns to face him again.
Vizzini starts to laugh.

MAN IN BLACK What's so funny?

VIZZINI I'll tell you in a minute. First, let's drink --

VIZZINI -- me from my glass, and you from yours.

And he picks up his goblet. The Man In Black picks up the one in front of him.

As they both start to drink, Vizzini hesitates a moment.

Then, allowing the Man In Black to drink first, he swallows his wine.

MAN IN BLACK You guessed wrong.

VIZZINI (roaring with laughter) You only think I guessed wrong -- (louder now) -- that's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned.