The Story: By rights, I should be presenting this entire scene from Monty Python's Life of Brian, but seeing how there are (in Python parlance) "naughty bits" of both the male and female kind, I'm eliminating the earlier section—that is a Rubicon I dare not cross.
Besides the really pithy part of the scene—the part I'm interested in—occurs later, so we don't have to go around stirring up trouble and causing the gendarme to get in a snit and cause a bother.
Besides, there may be children present and they could learn a thing or two.
As we said last week, we're looking at a specific theme over the next couple of weeks...we're not going to spell it out. You're just going to have to figure it out for yourselves (and none of this responding in unison business, thank you very much!)
The Set-Up: It is (significantly) 33 A.D. and Brian Cohen (Graham Chapman) of Nazareth grows up resenting the Roman occupation on Judea and joins the People's Front of Judea (PFJ) and in his attempts to prove himself, he winds up among a bunch of prophets and, to blend in, starts to spout plagiarized versions of the Sermon on the Mount (which he had witnessed and admired). Soon, he is being followed by increasing crowds and extolled as the Messiah, much to the consternation of his mother, Mandy (Terry Jones).
Action.
CROWD: Messiah! Messiah!
CROWD:Messiah!
Messiah!
CROWD:Show us the Messiah!
MANDY: Now, you listen here.
MANDY:He's not the Messiah!
He's a very naughty boy.
MANDY:Now, go away!
-
CROWD (from now in unison): Who are you?
-
MANDY:I'm his mother, that's who.
CROWD:Behold his mother!
Behold his mother!
Hail to...
CROWD:...thee,
mother of Brian!
The crowd cheers, "Hosanna", "The Master" "All Hail" Etc. Pandemonium. A couple of Romans can be seen at the back of the crowd. We notice Reg and Judith at work in the crowd, they are keeping a wary eye on the Roman presence...whilst still trying to keep the Brian-worship going.
CROWD:Blessed art thou!
Hosanna!
All praise to thee,
now and always!
MANDY:Well, now don't think
you can get around me like that.
MANDY:He's not coming out,
and that's my final word.
-
MANDY:Now, shove off!
-
CROWD:No!
-
MANDY:Did you hear what I said?
-
CROWD:Yes!
MANDY:Oh,
MANDY:I see.
It's like that, is it?
-
CROWD:Yes!
-
MANDY:Oh, all right, then.
You can see him for one minute,
MANDY:but not one second more!
-
MANDY:Do you understand?
-
CROWD:Yes.
-
MANDY:Promise?
-
CROWD:Well... all right.
MANDY:All right, here he is, then.
MANDY:Come on, Brian. Come and talk.
-
BRIAN: But, Mum, Judith.
-
MANDY:Oh, leave that Welsh tart alone.
BRIAN: I don't really want to.
CROWD:Brian!
CROWD:Brian!
Brian! Brian!
-
BRIAN: Good morning.
-
CROWD:A blessing! A blessing!
BRIAN: No, no. Please.
Please, please listen.
BRIAN: I've got one or two
things to say.
CROWD:Tell us!
Tell us both of them!
BRIAN: Look, you've
got it all wrong.
BRIAN: You don't need to follow me.
BRIAN: You don't need
to follow anybody.
BRIAN: You've got to think
for yourselves.
BRIAN: You're all individuals.
CROWD:Yes, we're all individuals!
BRIAN: You're all different.
CROWD:Yes, we're all different!
-
MAN IN CROWD: I'm not.
-
ANOTHER MAN IN CROWD: Shhh.
BRIAN: You've all got to work it
out for yourselves.
CROWD:Yes, we've got to work it
out for ourselves!
BRIAN: Exactly.
CROWD:Tell us more!
BRIAN: No! That's the point!Don't let anyone tell you what to do!
BRIAN: Otherwise-Ow!
MANDY:That's enough.
That's enough.
CROWD:Ooh,
CROWD:...that wasn't a minute!
-
MANDY:Oh, yes it was!
-
CROWD:Oh, no it wasn't!
MANDY:Now, stop that!
MANDY:And go away!
-
YOUNG MAN in CROWD:Excuse me?
-
MANDY:Yes?
-
YOUNG MAN in CROWD:Are you a virgin?
-
MANDY:I beg your pardon!
YOUNG MAN in CROWD:Well, if it's not a personal
question, are you a virgin?
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