Blogging By Cinema-light: Don't Make a Scene: Bull Durham

The Story: I believe that Bull Durham is one of the great baseball movies (probably because and not despite Shelton didn't want it to be a "back-lit" baseball movie) and probably because I believe it has less to do with baseball and more to do with the games people play to fool themselves—such as rituals and superstitions. I believe it has a lot of great scenes and I'll be using those for the next few years (and abandoning the "Who's On First" routine of Abbott and Costello) when the start of Baseball Season rolls around.

I believe that Crash Davis' "I believe" speech is one of the best things about it—but not exclusively—despite that Ron Shelton doesn't like it because "people don't talk that way; I was trying to hook an actor" even though he likes to write soliloquys and he thinks Bull Durham is about "a love story between people who like to talk."

I also believe that, despite the deletions, that Davis really does believe in long foreplay, show tunes, voting every election and chocolate chip cookies. I also believe that he might have started a Thomas Pynchon novel, but probably never finished it, and that Susan Sontag was substituted because somebody decided that anybody going to a baseball movie wouldn't know who he was...but might have a brushed-back acquaintance with Sontag. Anyway, that pitch is a little wild.

I believe that Kevin Costner does a fine job of it, taking it casually, even though he knew full well that he was handed "one of the greatest speeches in movies and I never thought I did it right..." In his commentary track, Costner is more self-effacing: "She (Susan Sarandon) drives the whole thing."

Opening Day is this week.

The Set-Up: The Durham Bulls minor league season is starting, and try-outs are underway. It is the yoke of catcher Crash Davis (Kevin Costner), a twelve year veteran who'd once been in the majors ("The Show"—"the 21 greatest days of my life") that he be assigned to mentor hot-shot pitcher Ebby Calvin LaLoosh (Tim Robbins)—"a million dollar arm, but a five-cent head")—to try to control his erratic throwing. Concurrently, Annie Savoy (Susan Sarandon), is conducting her own try-outs.

Batter up.

CUT TO: INT. ANNIE'S LIVING ROOM --

NIGHT THE SHRINE OF BASEBALL GLOWS -- Annie lights the candles.

NUKE AND CRASH SIT ON OPPOSITE ENDS OF HER COUCH --

Both men look around the room with wonder. Nuke is clearly more nervous than Crash, who's been in some strange rooms in his minor league career.

ANNIE SAVOY: These are the ground rules. (beat)

ANNIE: I hook up with one guy a season -- I mean it takes me a couple of weeks to pick the guy -- kinda my own spring training... (beat)

ANNIE: And, well, you two are the most promising prospects of the season so far. (beat)

ANNIE: So... I thought we should get to know each other.

CRASH DAVIS: Time out.

CRASH: W...why do you get to choose?

ANNIE: What?

CRASH: Why do you get to choose?

CRASH: Why don't I get to choose?

CRASH: Why doesn't he get to choose?

ANNIE: Well, actually nobody on this planet ever really chooses each other. I mean, it's all a question of Quantum Physics, molecular...

ANNIE: ...attraction, and timing. I mean, there are laws we don't understand that bring us together and tear us apart.

ANNIE: It's like pheromones:

ANNIE: You get three ants together, they can't do dick. You get 300 million of 'em, they can build a cathedral

Crash laughs, as does Nuke, though he doesn't know why

NUKE LALOOSH: Is somebody gonna go to bed with somebody or what?

ANNIE: Honey, you're a regular nuclear meltdown. You better cool off.

Crash rises to leave, and heads for the door.

ANNIE: Wait. Where are you going?

CRASH: After 12 years in the minor leagues, I don't tryout. Besides -- I don't believe in Quantum Physics when it comes to matters of the heart... ~~or loins~~.

ANNIE:(challenging him) Well, what do you believe in, then?

Crash at the door. Annie's question is slightly taunting. He stops, and speaks with both aloofness and passion:

CRASH (putting on his coat): Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back,

CRASH: the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, ~~long foreplay, show tunes,~~

CRASH: ...and that the novels of ~~Thomas Pynchon~~ Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. (beat)

CRASH: I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone, I believe that there oughtta be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astro-turf and the designated hitter,

CRASH: I believe in the "sweet spot", ~~voting every election~~, soft core pornography, ~~chocolate chip cookies~~,

CRASH: opening your presents on Christmas morning rather than Christmas eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last for 7 three days.