And, one should mention that it contains SPOILERS.
That would be Richard Kirkham, of "Kirkham Movie a Day" and host of the weekly "Lambcast", who suggested to me that "the monologue from Pearl" would make a great scene. I'd heard of it. Richard raved about it. A lot of people raved about it—I've seen a lot of videos of people recreating it on-line. For awhile, "Pearl's Monologue" would show up on my News Feeds and never leave me alone.
Plus...when Richard described it he said it was "13 minutes long!" which was a little daunting (it's not...it's 8 minutes long...still, that's a lot of screen-caps).
But, ultimately, it was Mia Goth that made me do it. Heard she was good? Nope. She's stunning. And count me among the people who think she should have been nominated for a "Best Performance By an Actress" Oscar last year. But, it's a horror movie. More damning, it's a "slasher" movie about an axe murderer, so no respectable Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will allow it. Just like they didn't with Anthony Hopkins and Jodie Foster for Silence of the Lambs (they won...and it won "Best Picture, Screenplay, and Director). And they didn't with Bette Davis for Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? (she lost).
More than likely, they hadn't seen it. And Mia Goth isn't "a name" yet. And it's a very independent movie (but so was Everything Everywhere All at Once...as well as the past couple Best Picture winners).
Yeah, they hadn't seen it.
They would have seen Goth walking a tight-rope for 8 minutes doing a monologue in one exquisite, excruciating "take"—no cut-away's—as her axe-murdering farm-wife dervishes through so many emotions in a moment of role-playing honesty and we get to spend a few minutes in her impulse-addicted head—pity, self-loathing, longing, hatred, remorse, regret—a flicker of pride—helplessness, rationalization (a lot of rationalization), bitter, honest. For once, honest. She is at the bottom of a well. And she can't get out.
One never forgets that she's an axe murderer...but...one can't look away from the raw-to-the-bone desperation that Goth seems to exude from her pores, and the slightest creep of empathy chills you as you remember a time when you felt trapped, whatever the circumstance, and hadn't found a way out yet.
For Pearl, there is no way out. So she strikes out. Like a wild animal. Fight...or flight that's embedded so deep in the brain, you couldn't dig it out.
And all because, she has no choice.
The Story: As the country is dealing with an influenza epidemic and soldiers overseas fighting in the first World War, Pearl (Mia Goth) is stuck on her immigrant family's farm in Texas, her husband away in the Army, her father an invalid, and her Mother a tyrant. But, Pearl, enchanted with the movies, wants a better life than the one she's stuck in, and has auditioned for a dancing role in a traveling troupe. She didn't get it. And now, her last hope dashed, she is being consoled by her sister-in-law, Mitzi (Emma Jenkins-Purro), who encouraged her to audition against Pearl's mother's objections.
Action.
Mitzy: [breathes sigh of relief]
Oh, thank goodness.
Mitzy: If I snuck out of the house and ended up bringing
home another bug or germ, my mother and father...
Mitzy: Yes!
Pearl: I was curious about other men.
Pearl: I'm sure you don't want to hear about a stranger satisfying your wife, and I swear it was only once. It was a mistake.
Pearl: It wasn't him that I wanted. I know that now. And I wish things could just go back to the way they were
Pearl: Oh, Howard.
Pearl: You're such a good person. I know that. I made sure to always be mindful with your heart. I never wanted you to feel jealous. It's an awful feeling like a rot, the way it just twists and turns at your insides.
Pearl: men was never to avoid hurting you. It's because I understood how lucky I was to have your attention.
Pearl: stupid. I spotted you the moment you came to live with us. You worked hard like the other farmhands, but you were different. You're from somewhere.
Pearl: I'm certain you knew I hated it, you must've. How could you be so selfish and cruel after all I've done to make you happy?
Pearl: I never wanted to be a mother.
Pearl: I loathed the feeling of it growing inside me. It felt like sickness.
Pearl: I loathed the feeling of it growing inside me. It felt like sickness.
Pearl: Pulling and sucking on me like some needy animal in a barn. Pearl: How could I be responsible for another life?
Pearl: It's harsh, and bleak, and draining.
Pearl: I want what they have so badly, to be perfect, to be loved from as many people as possible to make up for all my time spent suffering.
Pearl: Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night and the fear washes over me, 'cause what if this is it?
Pearl: I'm not pretty or naturally pleasant, or friendly. I'm not smart, or funny, or confident. I'm exactly what Mama said I was, weak.
Pearl: I don't know why. What did I do? Why wasn't my family like yours? I hate what it feels like to be me and not you. I'm so scared that when you finally come home, you'll see me and be frightened like everyone else is.
Pearl: Mama meant well. She had a hard life. She only wanted a home to feel safe in. I can see that.
Pearl: Maybe if I can turn this farm into a home for us like you wanted, things will finally be different.
Pearl: I can be who you want me to be if you'll just stay with me. Pearl: Would you do that, please?
Pearl: We can love each other. I'll do that for you if you really meant all that "till death do us part."
Words by Ti West and Mia Goth
Pictures Eliot Rockett and Ti West
Pearl is available on DVD and Blu-Ray on Home Video.
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